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Comforting after a break up

Hey, this is my first story, and its a kind of a true story. Basically after my first break-up, it’s the story of a friend who helped me get over it. Hope you like it.

The Hedron

A girls mother gives her an ancient hedron as a child with an old magic upon it. Now much older in her early twenties and she is to discover what power it grisly has.

“PUSSY KISSING”

Pussy Kissing
By Blueheatt
….. When Jerry became my step dad, I was already hot for him, even though I was young but of legal age in this state.
….This state has the lowest legal age of all…and I knew it…and so did he. I wanted to have sex with him right away. How could I do this with my mom married to him. I really didn’t care.
…..He was all the things my disappearing dad wasn’t. I loved to stare at him and feel my pussy get wet. I slowly developed plans to get what I wanted. Was it finally going to happen tonight?…..I was betting it would. I couldn’t wait as I had used every woman trick I had ever heard of on him to get him to have sex with me. I loved the game but now…I’d waited long enough. I wanted him and bad. ’Come on Jerry’ I said to myself…take me like I know you want to. Let’s start having the sex we both want…..
Jerry thought….
…..I thought back about all that had happened to get to this point. It was wonderful, risky, torturous, sexually exciting and I had wanted to fuck Missy for a very long time.
…..I married my wife for business reasons. She married me for a ’meal ticket’. We had a great sex life, until we got married. It went down hill from there. I found she was spending more and more time at her male cousin’s house. He was ’kind of sick’ and she was ’just helping him out‘. In the mean time her daughter Missy had some sort of big crush on me and was aggressive about it. In the evenings the wife would quickly fall asleep watching TV. and then go to bed. Missy would then come out in her long yellow night gown with a big blanket and sit by me. I would be in my robe. She would cover us both up and snuggle up to me close. Her hands soon began fondling me under the blanket. Rubbing my legs, chest and stomach. She was a petite girl for her age and had long brown hair, medium small tits, a cute hot figure and great legs. I ’kind of’ resisted her feeling me,… but…. I sure didn’t mind it. I knew better that to touch her, but her touching me?….no rules about that. Her next little trick was to sit on my lap while I was in my recliner…but…only when her mom was gone.
…. Always in that long night gown. She didn’t wear a bra and only tiny little blue panties. She would fold her legs back along side of mine and sit right on my dick. I wore my robe in the evening and mornings. I could feel her pussy open on top of my dick. She would lean back on me and put my arms around her, making sure one arm was resting touching the bottom of her little tits. She would sigh real big and then always had an ’itch’ between her legs. Up came her night gown a little, and she would reach under it and scratch? I couldn’t see but I could tell she was rubbing her clit. A slow finger movement that took a long time to ’scratch’? No way, she obviously was rubbing her pussy. One time she said: “Now don’t look.” I smiled and closed the one eye she could see. She smiled and raised up to see my other eye open. She raised her night gown up more and put one hand in her panties. That hand lifted her panties up for the other hand, with he other hand she was scratching ‘by’ her pussy. She took a long time scratching ’something’ and her breathing increased. She checked smiling to see of I was looking. I blinked to take a peek. She grinned and said: “Hey…your peeking Jerry.” I chuckled and she smiled big. All this time I was trying ..not…to get a hard on, but my dick insisted on getting full and a little stiff. Oh my she liked that. She adjusted her pussy on top of my dick.
Missy….
……I got this trick from my girlfriend, who was already having sex with her dad. He would say: “Here, let me scratch that for you and he would finger her pussy. His dick would come up and one time she slipped it in her pussy, when her mom wasn’t around. He fucked her right there the first time. After that they fucked all over the house. Jerry wouldn’t do that, so on to my next trick. “Carry me to my bedroom daddy.” I would say, and he would. I wouldn’t let go of his neck and drug him down on top of me giggling. It felt so good to have him on top of me, even if it was for a few seconds. I tried to hold him on top of me and feel his big dick on my pussy. It was huge and I think he was afraid what would happen. It took mine and his breath away when his dick pushed against my pussy. This was the best and closest so far and I kept it up each chance I got….
Jerry….
….Her little ’carry me’ trick was torture. My dick felt her warm pussy and went crazy. My one brain cell dick was trying to get out of my shorts and robe. ‘It’… wanted to get her pussy bad. Having her breathing in my ear, spreading her legs apart and hold tight to my neck, didn’t help. If you add up all her little sexy tricks I was getting weak trying not to fuck her….I was loosing the resistance battle.
Missy…..
…..Jerry needed to realize, mom was probably fucking her cousin. I’d seen them sneaking feels from a long time ago. Ok, let her fuck him, and let me have Jerry. It seemed to work out good for everyone in my mind. It was time for my next tricks on Jerry.
…..I got new skates and skate outfit to wear. Of course I came out and just had to show Jerry when mom was over ‘helping’ her cousin. I flipped up the little short skirt to show off how ….opps!…Oh my, it seems I forgot the panties. He sat there delighted. I ask him to put my shoe skates on me. I sat on the couch as he got on his knees on the floor in front of me. I put one leg on his shoulder while he messed with the first skate. His face was now a foot away from my naked slit staring him in the face. I smiled big pulled up the little short skirt and laid my knee over to let him see what he was missing out on. I kept moving my foot as he struggled to get the shoe skate on. I scooted myself closer to him, as if to help. I did all I could to keep him from getting that skate on.
Jerry…..
…..She was up to her sex tricks again and I couldn’t get that skate on this way. Her pussy was open and I could not only see it, but smell her pussy and her perfume. My dick was bent over hard in my jeans now.
…..I could only take so much of this.
…..I grabbed her above her hips and turned her on her back on the couch. I put her one leg up on the back of the couch, and got on my knees on the couch. I moved up with my big boner bulging and held her other beautiful warm leg in tight to my chest. Her eyes went wide like I was going to fuck her right now. I held the one leg and crammed the skate on her foot and laced it up. Her tits were rising up and down with her excited breathing. I held that leg up and bent down and……
kissed her pussy, with a quick firm lick on her clit.
…..She let out a moan of delight. I said: “There…there’s one skate.” I put that leg down. I did the other one. I kissed her pussy again with another quick firm lick on her clit, and said: “There….all finished!”
…..She tried to talk but just panted for air….
Missy…
…..When Jerry kissed my pussy, I got chills all over my body like I had never felt before. I wasn’t expecting that. It took my breath away and my pussy felt heavenly tingles. I wanted more of them and I was determined to get them.
Jerry….
….. I picked her up by her little waist and sat her up. She started to put her arms around my neck to pull me down on top of her. I stopped her and held hands with her. She, with all the drama she could muster started in thanking me and “Oh Jerry, thank you, I couldn’t have done it without you“…and on and on. I interrupted and said: “You can thank me later when moms gone.” Her face lit up as she quick held my face and kissed me with a quick dart from her tongue.
….I decided to have a little fun with her. Now It was me teasing, taunting and bumping feels on her! I started giving her looks like ‘I would love to fuck you girl‘. I would rub against her when no one was looking. I let my hand brush against her sweet little ass. I let my arm or elbow rub against her tits. She was loving this and returned the sneaking of feels. Her hand brushed against my cock, she backed up her little ass against me every chance she got.
Missy….
……Finally I felt I was getting close to having sex with Jerry. Now after those two pussy kisses he gave me, he was responding to me. I was so happy and horny now. I thought about those two pussy kisses as I masturbated about him that night.
….. I can still feel those kisses on my pussy…. if I close my eyes….., but now to take it further and further.
….Mom started staying away more and more now and claimed to helping her poor cousin. She now stayed overnight for days. She forgot one thing when she made a quick stop by…she smelled like aftershave and same smell I noticed when I gave my boyfriend a hand job…cum. Jerry didn’t seem to care as he and I did the house work and grocery shopping. It was time to advance my desire to have sex with him.
….I would wait until he was asleep and the sneak in his bedroom and slowly crawl in bed with him. I would slowly scoot close to him and snuggle up. Now I slept with him every night. Each night I snuggled closer to him. Sometimes he would get a big erection as I watched him tent his pajama bottoms. One night I got brave and as I saw his erection come up, I carefully rested my hand on it. It was warm and big. I started slowly stroking it.
Jerry…..
…..I slowly started waking up to a nice stroking on my cock. I soon realized who it was. I let her have her fun. Soon she reached inside my pajamas and took out my hard cock. No wife to speak of now, and her beautiful sexy daughter giving me a hand job. That was the tipping point.
…..I rolled towards her and slowly reached up her night gown. I felt her warm pussy. She gasp as I ran my finger up and down her slit. Now her hand trembled as she kept stroking me. I could tell her anticipation was at it’s peak. Are we going to have sex…or not?
….. I pulled her towards me and my cock went between her legs. She held onto my cock, pressing it against her pussy and was still able to stroke it some. Her eyes were closed as our lips met. She began quietly moaning as our tongues played. Up went her leg and she began to rub the head of my cock on her wet slit. I massaged her tits and squeezed them gently. I got on top of her while she held my cock, ready to guide it in. Her knees came up and out to her wide open pussy.
….I let it happen…
…..Up and down she guided the head of my cock across her wet pussy lips. She found the spot she wanted and I inched it back and forth slowly in. Her arms went around my neck as her hips responded to my strokes. She moaned in my ear steady. Her legs wrapped around mine and we reach our rocking together motion. She was tight, but soon all smoothed up and our motion speeded up. Her pussy kept contracting around my cock, pulling it in a little deeper each stroke. She started to shake and moan louder…then so loud my ear began to ring. She suddenly started fucking faster and stopped with a long moan as she pulled me deep in her pussy.
….. I shot like a cannon in her. Shot after shot as she moaned loud and her pussy squeezed my cock. She just kept fucking me deep as I shot more. We both tried to breathe deeply to get some air. I got dizzy and wrapped myself around her.
….I don’t remember much after that point. I kind of woke up with my cock still in her and it felt like she had a death grip on me. Her pussy was twitching on my still hard cock. I rolled us off on our sides. I held her sweet ass as we started part two….
———
Missy….
……”Hi, is my mom there?…Hi Mom, would you please call before you come by from now on….

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The Pretty Woman In A Shared Cab

Her panty was fully wet, I smelled her panty, her body odour mixed with perfume and vaginal fluid had created a different scent all together which was making me more eager to fuck her now. I dragged her 2 legs to the edge of the bed and parted

Susan’s Very wet experiences

My name is Susan. I am a junior in college. I am a Caucasian female, 22 years old, with blond hair and blue eyes. I stand 5’7″ tall and I weigh 123 lbs. My breasts are near perfect 36 c’s with very pink thimble-like nipples and small areolae. My pussy is completely shaved. I have a relatively big clit and large thick pussy lips.
I lost my virginity when I was 14 to a guy who was 20. I have had about 30 lovers over the years and 7 of those with women. I am constantly horny and my pussy needs lots of attention. I tend to masturbate 7-8 times a day everyday.
My current boyfriend is this wonderful man named John. We have been together for over a year now and I am deeply in love with him. He is the same age as I am and he loves sex as much as I do. He is 6’5″ tall and 225 lbs. with dark brown hair and deep brown eyes. He has a magnificent cock. It is 7 inches long and very thick. I love the way his cock feels inside my pussy. I love how it stretches my pussy wide as he plows his cock in and out of my very wet cunt hole.
John has been busy with his art projects and I haven’t seen him in 2 days. We talk on the phone 2-3 times a day, but I miss him. I miss kissing his lips. I miss feeling him deep inside me. I miss feeling his cock erupt inside my vagina and fill me with his cum. My pussy is in a constant state of horniness since we are apart. Just thinking about him gets my pussy sopping wet. I have to wear maxipads in my panties just to keep my pussy juices from soaking thru my panties.
I masturbate as soon as I get home from classes. I strip down to my panties and remove the maxipad and toss it in the waste basket beside my bed. My clitoris is super swollen and my pussy is dripping wet within seconds. My nipples are so erect that they tingle as my fingers lightly pluck them. My plucking becomes pinching and the pinching becomes twisting really hard. My face is flushed and when my hands finally reach my panty clad pussy, they find it is a soaking wet mess. I haven’t even started rubbing my clit and already there is a huge wet spot on the mattress.
Immediately I remove my panties and bring them up to my face to smell and taste. Some of my juices are milky white and are clinging to the panties. This I hurriedly suck off. I then rub the wet material all over my face. I suck the wet crotch into my mouth and then proceed to masturbate with my fingers. With experienced skill, the fingers of my left hand rub my clit, while 2 fingers from my right hand enter my wet vagina. My back arches and the orgasm that grips my body is so intense that it takes my breath away. I grunt through the panties in my mouth as my orgasm runs its course. I can feel my creamy juices spill over my fingers and run down the crack of my ass to puddle on the bed.
After the convulsions cease, I bring the hand that was inside my vagina up to my mouth and suck all the pussy juices from my fingers. I move my left hand to the opening of my vagina and scoop up more of my cum and lick the juices from that hand. I alternate hands down to my vagina and back up to my mouth until I am satisfied that all of the cum is cleaned up. I then relax a bit in the afterglow of orgasm. I then slowly tease my nipples until they are erect and I begin to masturbate once again. I usually masturbate 7-8 times in a row, but recently it has been closer to 12 times in a row before I pass out from exhaustion..
And still I can’t seem to scratch that itch that is deep inside my pussy.
So it was on this next morning that I awoke with a start. If I didn’t hurry, I was going to be late for my sociology class. I quickly showered and dressed and hurried out the door to my class. I was wearing a pair of very tight jeans and a pink t-shirt. I got to class just in time and sat next to my friend Samantha.
For some strange reason, I was hornier than usual and unable to concentrate on what the professor was saying. I crossed and uncrossed my legs several times and each time I did this, my engorged clitoris would rub against the seam at my crotch. I was so into the friction that I lost control and immediately started cumming. The orgasm was incredible and it took every ounce of strength not to make a single sound. My face was flushed and I was just coming down from the high when I noticed a wetness spreading out from my crotch and soaking thru my jeans. It was then that I remembered that I was in such a hurry to get to class that I forgot to add a maxi pad to my panties before leaving the house. My pussy was in such a high state of arousal because of my exposed clit rubbing inside my jeans as I walked to class.
Class had ended and I was still sitting there in shock at the blunder of my morning, when Samantha tapped me on the shoulder. She was grinning and then whispered in my ear that everything was going to be all right and that I could get cleaned up in her room which was just 2 buildings over. She offered her assistance to come to her dorm room and give me a change of clothes, so I followed her to her dorm room.
Once inside her room, Samantha found some pants and put them on the bed while I struggled to get the jeans that were way too tight off of me. The added wetness didn’t help any. Samantha saw my predicament and giggling, she walked over to me and offered her assistance to help me off with my jeans. I was so embarrassed and Samantha said not to worry…that she has had a peeing accident or two in her pants before and was glad to help me out, and not to feel bad about it. It happens she said. (God, if she only knew the truth.) We both struggled to no avail. Samantha then got on her knees in front of me. Her face mere inches from my wet crotch as her hands grabbed the material at my calves and started to yank them down. The process was very slow but eventually the jeans started to come off.
The pulling off of the skin tight jeans removed my panties as well. I was not aware of this until I felt something slippery along my clitoris. I looked down and was amazed to find that Samantha had her mouth covering my clit and her tongue was working overtime to get me off. I was so caught up in what Samantha was doing that reflexively I closed my eyes and enjoyed the ride. Well it didn’t take long until I was cumming and cumming hard! I pulled Samantha’s face hard into my pussy as my orgasm swept over me.
I cried out that I was cumming! My orgasm was fierce and I came and came and came. When Samantha finally pulled free from my pussy, her eyes were glassy and her lips, chin and neck were visibly wet with my pussy juices. She smiled up at me before inserting 3 fingers forcefully inside my still very wet and very horny vagina. My juices dripped down her arm as she reamed out my cunt with her fingers until I was at the point of cumming a second time. Samantha sensed this and with her other hand she started rubbing my clit. I came so hard this time that my knees gave way and I landed on top of Samantha’s stomach.
Samantha had just removed her fingers from my cunt when my orgasm came splashing forth.
To be continued…

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The Mutant

“Opius Seven has given us permission to land,” Ensign Melody Patron said as she listened to her headphones. As the Communications Officer it was her job to monitor all traffic in the area, not just that which concerned their enormous freighter.
“Did you specify an orbital offload?” the Captain asked, gripping the arms of his chair.
“Yes sir, but your request was denied. Apparently there is a stevedore strike at the moment. Our only option is to wait until the strike is over, or land as ordered. Their last strike lasted one and a half years.”
“This damned old tub was not designed for planetary landings,” Captain Derby said uncomfortably. “Ok, Control, take us down. I only hope we can get it back up again,” he growled, sitting at the edge of his seat.
“That’s every man’s most fervent wish,” the navigator, an ebony black woman with white hair, said from her corner. Melody groaned and looked at Pitts. She could be cute, if she tired. She had very shapely legs. Melody watched as Pitts sat facing her, kicking one crossed leg absently as she gave the captain a sly smile. In her short skirt, Lt Pitts looked very enticing.
“When I want lip off you Pitts, I’ll…”
“Aye sir, my lips are sealed,” the newest lieutenant on the ship said with an obvious smirk, as her glance fell on Melody. Melody wondered how long she would last. The last smartass was left on some backwater planet without a name. It only carried a designation number. It’s function was listed as Waystation. It was not a good place to be left. The way Pitts was going…”
“Patron, what the hell’s the matter with you?” the captain screamed, nearly in her face.
“Sir?”
“We are being hailed, Ensign,” the captain pointed at the blinking light below the viewscreen, “answer it.”
“Oh, yes sir,” Melody said hurriedly and adjusted bars and sensors until the voice was picked up on her com unit.
“GRF Normandy, this is PRS King’s Booty,” a voice finally said in her headphones.
“This is Normandy, go ahead please,” Melody said, adjusting the slidebar.
“Normandy, we are having a party tonight, we wondered if anyone on your crew would like to attend. It’s strictly informal,” the voice said in her headphones and over the overhead panels. “We are being parked in an adjoining slip,” the voice added quickly.
“What should I tell them, Captain?” Melody asked. She saw the look of disgust cross his face. He quickly shook his head.
“That’s a pig boat, Patron, we can call for volunteers, but I’m not going. Tell them I have business ashore.
“What’s a pig boat?” Melody asked as she typed her response rather than talking directly.
“PRS stands for Pieces Relief Ships, but the old timers privately refer to the designation as Pigs Rolling in Shit. Their ships hire anybody who can fly, Sabs, Micens, and mutants. Their ship are a total mess. Hell, half the crew don’t even know how to use a bathroom or eating utensils. Nope, I’m busy tonight. You guys can go if you want.”
“I can’t pass up an experience like that,” Melody finally said. “Even if I find it distasteful, it’s something to make this trip unique. I need adventure.”
“Well you’ll probably find it there,” Derby said with a laugh.
“I’ll go with you,” Lieutenant Pitts said uncertainly, “I hear that Sabs have a tongue almost two feet long,” her voice dropped to a whisper.
“You fucking horny bitches,” the captain shook his head in wonder. “You’ll let anything crawl up between your legs as long as it feels good.”
“Kind of like old drunk sailors,” Pitts said, just loud enough for Melody to hear. Melody snorted and nodded her head quickly, before the captain turned to find out what she was laughing about. He glared from one to the other, then concentrated on their landing.
“They are designated as human, even though they have mutated a bit,” Melody said quickly to waylay his anger.
“Yeah, but they look like toads,” the captain said. When the atmosphere began glowing around them he took control of the rollerball and eased the ship down to the concrete. They landed smoothly, which was why he held such a high designation. Captain Derby might be old and sloppy looking, but he was one of the best captain’s in space. He was assigned to an old, antiquated ship because it had grown old and antiquated around him.
“Shut down, lock down, and climb down,” the captain repeated the age old saying used for shutting down all systems, setting the watch, and commencing shore leave. They had heard it so many times that they didn’t hear it anymore.
The Control Officer, Lieutenant Gerald Schultz, sat back and smiled at Pitts and Melody as they ran for the door. He was in no hurry because his section had first watch. He wasn’t that fond of Opius Seven anyway, so he probably wouldn’t take shore leave.
Melody was out of her seat in record time and sprinting down the passageway. There were close to 700 people on the ship, most would be taking shore leave and crowding the elevators, causing an hour long wait. Melody planned on being one of the first to the elevators. She waved to Pitts as they separated and entered their own cabins. There was no water rationing on the surface of a planet, because they would immediately be hooked up to shore facilities. It was a rare treat and it meant that Melody could shower as long as she wanted, and brush her teeth with clear clean water for a change, not thick recycled crap. Melody actually let the water hit her face for the first time since coming aboard. She had always washed her face in canned water. She hated to waste her weight allowance on common water, but she would not wash her face and pussy with recycled piss. Melody let the water wash over her body as she soaped her slender neck shoulders, and perfect tits. The low gravity of space had many drawbacks, but firm upturned tits were definately one of the advantages. Melody soaped her tits liberally, then slid her hand down between her legs. If she were to have some action down there as she hoped, she needed it clean and battle ready.
In horror, Melody realized that she had wasted too much time on her shower. She would have to wait hours for an elevator.
In fifteen minutes she was sprinting down the passageway, dressing as she ran. By the time she saw the first people on deck, she was sealing the seam on her shirt. It took only moments to find Pitts, waiting with a small crowd at the edge of the elevator lines. There were already at least a hundred people ahead of her. She swore and walked dejectedly over to Pitts.
“This is the Kings Booty crowd,” Pitts said happily.
“The what?”
“The party group. That is what you’re looking for, isn’t it?”
“Sure, I guess. But we’ll never get on the elevators now,” Melody said dejectedly.
“We aren’t taking the elevators, silly, we are an official liaison party. We take a shuttle.”
“Oh shit, that’s great. I never trusted these overcrowded elevators anyway,” Melody said, not wanting to let on how horrified she was of small places.
The bright lights around most ships showed a milling crowd of people, delivery vehicles, and maintenance vehicles in a continuous flow of action. The bright lights around PRS Kings Booty showed only a handful of people coming and going. The shuttle landed on the edge of the security area, let the seventeen passengers debark, then lifted off immediately, not wanting the shuttle’s logo to be associated with the tall silver ship. With some excitement and a little trepidation, the crowd moved toward the quarterdeck in front of the sparkling ship. It was actually a very beautiful and brand new ship which Melody immediately envied.
Amid the laughter and chatter of many voices, Melody suddenly remembered that they were ambassadors of their ship. She stopped on the quarterdeck and saluted. The others suddenly remembered their protocol and saluted as they followed her across the quarterdeck. When they entered they requested permission to come aboard. The automatic responder summoned the human crew, while it hailed and welcomed the visitors. Out of breath, sweaty crewmembers finally poured onto the quarterdeck and looked at the crowd in awe.
Melody realized that they had not expected anyone to accept their offer. They were taken by surprise.
“W… welcome,” an older enlisted man said with a formal salute. Melody liked him immediately. He was tall, good looking, and had brown hair. He met all her prerequisites. His eyes bugged out when he saw that ten of the seventeen visitors were women. His eyes locked onto Melody for several minutes, then he tore his glance away.
“We… we actually were not expecting visitors… I mean not yet,” he quickly amended. “Please, come this way,” he ushered them inside. He took them to the amusement deck and showed them around as the officers and more important enlisted men quickly showed up, some dressing as they entered.
Drinks were passed out and games played all over the deck. Melody was surprised to see a spotlessly clean ship. Unconsciously, she was looking for the mutants which were reported to be filling pig boats, but she saw none. Finally she got tired of craning her neck to see over the crowd and came right to the point.
“Where are your mutants?” she asked the man who had originally greeted them.
“Is that why you came, to see the mutants?” he asked in amusement. “I’m sorry, but the captain forbid them to come. He’s trying to improve our “pig boat” image.”
Melody tried to hide her disappointment, but it must have showed in her face. “We came to see something different, not the same old boring ship’s dinner,” Melody said moodily.
“I know what you mean. Imagine how it is for us, we seldom get visitors because of the old rumors, most of which were unfounded. We had a sulfur based drive that smelled bad. To make matters worse, we had a few early captains who kept a very sloppy ship. That and the fumes led to rumors and the rumors led to more rumors. They were completely unsubstantiated, of course, but nobody bothered to check before they branded our ships. We do have Sabs, Micens, and Picas aboard, but they are as clean as us. The rules are the same for everybody.”
“Can you ask the captain to change his rule for tonight? We came to see the whole crew, not just a few humans.”
“That’s not the job for a lowly chief,” the man laughed and pointed at the officers around them, “why don’t you ask one of them?”
“I don’t know them. I trust you, and I have a feeling that your captain will too. Please?”
“Shit,” he said under his breath. Sweat was breaking out on his forehead already. “Ok, what the hell,” he said and walked away. In a few minutes several mutants appeared in the room, livening up the conversation. It was obvious that their shipmates enjoyed their company, many were patted on their… backs? And many more were petted absently as they stood beside a fellow male or female crewmember. Melody was startled, a little revolted, and completely overjoyed. She inched closer to a Sab and was amazed that Captain Derby’s description was accurate. Sabs were small toad-like people with equally long arms and legs. They used both for support. Their bodies were fat and wide, like a toad. But their faces were primarily human, showing their distant lineage.
“Happy?” a voice startled her out of a year of life. She turned to face the chief and was wonderfully horrified to see a Sab standing beside him. “This is Katherine,” the chief said happily. “And I am Chief Holly Irons,” he said with a grimace.
“Holly?” Melody asked with a skeptical smile.
“My parent’s little joke. Katherine can’t talk, she speaks through sign language or a computer adapter. Sorry,” he said, patting Katherine on her wide head. Her tongue snaked out and licked his hand. Melody jumped back a little, holding her hand to her chest.
“I’ve heard that a Sab’s tongue is two feet long, but I never expected to see it. My name is Melody, by the way.”
Katherine’s tiny hand came up and made a few gestures, while her other hand supported her weight.
“Katherine said hi, and thanks for including them in the party. Her long tongue is why she can’t talk. None of her race can. She is as curious as you are, apparently.”
“About women?” Melody asked in confusion as she looked at all the female crewmembers in the crowd.
“Well sort of. Mostly of fashion and scent,” Holly’s face crinkled in a smile. “They choose friends by scent. She likes yours, by the way.”
“W… well that’s good,” Melody said uncomfortably.
“Ooops, the party is about to start, there’s our captain,” Holly said, straightening his clothing self-consciously. Katherine straightened uncomfortably and her eyes seemed to narrow minutely.
“You don’t like the captain?” Melody asked unceremoniously.
“Shhhh, not so loud,” Holly cautioned. “Our captain doesn’t like mutants and doesn’t think they belong in the service. He’s not well liked by my wife or her people,” Holly said, patting Katherine’s head again.
“Your wife?” Melody asked in disappointment.
“Katherine,” he nodded at the Sab standing next to his knee.
Katherine froze for a moment as she stared at Melody and sniffed, then made a few hand signals to Holly. He looked up at Melody in embarassment.
“Katherine says you are disappointed and a little angry. Your scent changed,” he explained with a shrug.
“I was half hoping… well maybe you and I could…”
“Oh, I see,” he also turned half away in embarassment. Katherine signaled again, but he shook his head quickly. She pushed against his knee and repeated the signals. He finally nodded and let out his breath in a gust.
“Katherine says she is willing to share, she would like you to join us after the party,” he finished in a rush of words. Melody squinted as the meaning of his words sank in. Suddenly her eyes widened and she looked around the room before looking at them and nodding. “I came for an experience, I can’t think of a more… sure, I’d love too.”
“Oh, boy!” Holly said enthusiastically. Katherine nudged his knee and he looked down in embarassment. The party began with a formal ringing of a bell.
Melody started for the table, then stopped in confusion when she saw a pond in the middle of it.
“Oh man, the captain’s really out to embarrass the mutants tonight,” Holly said angrily.
“Why?” Melody looked around at the captain in confusion. He was amiable and smiling at everyone around him. Katherine jumped up and landed in a depression next to the pond. Melody laughed and clapped happily. Katherine turned and bowed with what appeared to be a smile on her wide face.
“He wants them to eat out of the communal pond,” Holly said, rigid with anger.
“Is that bad?”
“It’s embarrassing, to say the least. They can eat off a plate like everybody else. He wants to embarrass them, and us. Now you will see why they have those long tongues. They can stretch out to four feet, by the way.”
“What if we refuse to be embarrassed?” Melody asked, looking at the captain with new eyes.
“It won’t matter, he will take every horrified look, stony expression, or mutter and turn it to his favor. There is no way to outmaneuver a man like that.”
“What to bet?” Melody asked, silently signaling to Pitts across the table. “What’s in the pond, by the way?”
“Fish, eels, sand grubs,” he said with his head lowered so the captain wouldn’t notice the hatred in his eyes.
Katherine’s tongue suddenly snaked out and a wiggling eel was curled into her mouth. Melody squealed and clapped, patting Katherine on the back. She rolled up her sleeves, moved closer to the pond, and made a grab at a passing fish. She scooped the flopping fish out of the water, but lost control of it. It jumped up, wiggling in the air and started falling back into the pond. Katherine’s tongue snaked out and caught the fish before it touched the water. Crewmembers and guest clapped loudly. Pitts with several others, rolled up her sleeves and approached the pond. Before long the Sabs and visitors were both competing for the most fish. The Sabs won, of course.
The captain pushed away from the table and stormed out in fury. Holly laughed and patted Melody on the back.
“You’ve done it,” he said with a roar. “You are actually the first to get the better of him. This is a truly memorable night,” he added with a fond grin.
“It will be,” Katherine signaled, licking her lips as she watched Melody eat. Melody paused when she noticed them looking at her. They quickly looked away and let her eat in peace.
“Oh wow, this is huge,” Melody said as they led her into their cabin. It was three times the size of hers. She turned to find Holly and Katherine sitting on the couch, looking at her. She smiled self-consciously and approached the couch. Katherine signaled for Melody to set next to them. Melody suddenly felt the urge to run away, now that the moment was there, but she moved closer to the couch and sat, afraid that her shaky knees would no longer support her.
“Katherine says I can do anything to please you,” Holly said nervously.
“What about her, isn’t she going to…” Melody started to say “play” then thought how corny that would sound.
“She’s more than willing, if you’re sure that’s what you want,” Holly said, even more nervous now.
“I would love to see how you two… I mean,” Melody stopped in embarassment. Katherine signaled for several moments. Holly nodded in understanding.
“Melody, this is hard for all of us. The prudent thing to do would be forget the whole thing and go home. But you, like most of us, want memories. You want to sit around when you’re 190 and remember this day and more like it. When you’re old and too crippled to move, you want to sit in the sun and smile, while everyone around you has memories of working at a real job and a few memorable vacations. I don’t blame you. For me, this is so special, as you can imagine. With a mutant wife, it’s very special for me to touch somebody with my own size and shape. But we won’t get anywhere if we can’t talk. I am known for being shy, I was hoping that you weren’t. Just say what you want, don’t beat around the bush. Besides, Katherine has a built in lie detector. Your smell changes when you lie, so don’t bother. Just say what you want, our time is too short for mistakes.”
“I want Katherine to put that two foot long tongue to work on me, while you make love to her,” Melody said in a gush of words. Holly immediately turned red, clear up to his ears. His wife bounced happily on the couch and clapped her tiny hands together.
Katherine pushed Holly and he moved over a few feet. Katherine motioned for Melody to sit between them. Reluctantly, Melody stood and moved to the newly vacated area. She was afraid that Katherine might want to kiss, which was totally out of the question. To her relief, Katherine put her head near Melody’s chest and sniffed, then her tongue slid into Melody’s shirt and began caressing her ample breasts. Holly slid closer to Melody and brought his mouth down to hers.
Melody was reluctant at first, probably because she was picturing where that mouth had been. But in moments she melted into Holly’s arms and responded with her hungry mouth on his. She was panting and squirming in no time. Katherine knew exactly where to touch her and how hard. Melody suddenly realized that her own smell was giving her away, telling Katherine exactly where to caress. With a half smile Melody pictured herself standing at the top of a cliff, ready to fall off. Her body changed immediately and her heart jumped. With a squeal Katherine jumped back and looked at Melody in fear.
“Just kidding,” Melody said, then explained her little joke. Katherine struck her on the shoulder with her tiny fist, while Holly rolled with laughter. Katherine gave him a “you’ll pay later” look and resumed her tongue caress of Melody’s soft chest and armpits. Melody unconsciously reached down and opened her shirt, making it easier for Katherine’s long soft tongue to snake over her boobs. She tossed the shirt aside. A little mechanical slid out of the wall, collected the shirt and disappeared unnoticed.
While continuing the passionate kiss, Holly reached over to Katherine and unseamed her shirt down the back. It opened and fell, held on only by her arms. She slid out of it and Melody was amazed to see normal womanly breasts hanging down in front of Katherine’s five foot wide body. Melody’s hands were drawn to the breasts. She twisted the nipples in her fingers and watched them harden. Katherine moaned, it was the first sound that Melody had heard her make. Melody pulled at the large tits in a milking kind of caress. She pulled and let them slide out of her hands, then grabbed them again, repeating the gesture over and over. They felt good in her hands, and Katherine’s quick breathing assured her that it felt good to Katherine.
Holly reached down and manipulated the magnetic lock on Melody’s skirt. In a moment the belt and seam fell open, revealing her foot long lace bordered panties, and the soft white skin of her legs. Melody felt both nervous and excited. She lifted up as Katherine grabbed her lace panties and pulled. In a moment she sat stark naked in front of the strangers.
While Holly and Melody continued the kiss, Katherine curled her long tongue half around Melody’s left breast, up under her armpit and around the front of her neck, then she slowly licked Melody’s left ear. Melody could help but associate the incredibly long tongue with a snake. Her shiver brought another response from Katherine, but Melody was too enthralled by the kiss to notice.
Holly suddenly broke the kiss and looked down at Melody. “Katherine says you’re ready,” he said with a gentle smile. His hand engulfed Melody’s right breast and fondled it while he talked. His eyes slid down her body and he took a deep shuddering breath, before looking into her eyes again.
“Re… ready for what?” Melody asked in confusion.
“Ready for the… ready for her to… you know,” he said, suddenly at a loss for words.
“Oh, that,” Melody said in sudden comprehension. She turned and looked at Katherine, who now sat on the floor between her lily white legs. Melody was so excited and a little terrified.
“Don’t worry, Katherine would never hurt you,” Holly whispered as he pulled Melody’s shoulders back until they rested against the arm of the couch. She now lay sprawled with her legs open and the incredible woman between them. She had never felt so helpless in her entire life.
“Katherine says she can shape her tongue into any shape that fits, and she can feel when there is just enough. It will feel wonderful,” Holly tried to reassure her. By now Melody was shaking, her breath came out in harsh little gasps.
“G… g… go ahead,” Melody said to Katherine. She felt even more nervous than she did on her first time.
Katherine began by licking Melody’s legs and inner thighs. She snaked over Melody’s abdomen, leaving a wet trail of saliva wherever she touched. Melody felt both the warmth of the tongue and the chill of wetness on her super-sensitive skin. She shuddered in anticipation, gasping when the tongue lightly caressed her open crotch as it passed.
Two things were pretty standard in the service, they had been customary for almost five hundred years. All men were circumcised, and all women were hairless in the area of their crotch. This not only improved health and cleanliness, it also made women soft and more sensitive to the slightest touch. Besides, it was much more fun to play with a hairless woman.
Katherine placed the tip of her tongue against Melody’s baby soft pubs and licked it lightly. Melody gasped and shot up from the arm of the couch. Holly gently pressed her back down so she wouldn’t hurt herself when the big moment came. Suddenly, it was time. When Katherine decided that Melody was ready she placed her tongue at the entrance of Melody’s vulva and pushed slowly but persistently. Her tongue slid smoothly inside. To Melody’s horror and pleasure, it continued to slide inside long past anything she had ever felt inside her before. It narrowed and curled, nearly rolling itself into a squirming, slithering ball deep inside her womb. Melody’s eyes bugged out as the huge member stopped slithering inside and began to churn. She chocked and sprang up, unable to believe the tremendous surge of activity inside her loins. It was so horribly wonderful, paling any other experience she had ever had to something comical in comparison.
“Oh shit!” Melody screamed, watching her hips buck involuntarily in response to the tongue churning inside her. “Oh shit, she’s filling me up,” Melody screamed in horrified fascination. Her eyes were suddenly drawn to Holly, who was now naked and approaching Katherine from behind. Holly unseamed her pants and slid them down her short legs. She immediately raised up and presented her pussy to his huge, throbbing prick.
“I have got to be the luckiest man in the universe,” he whispered as he slammed his meat into Katherine, while his eyes were riveted to Melody’s beautiful pussy. The sight of Melody, nakedly sprawled across his couch, with his wife’s long tongue shoved between her legs, was one he would never forget.
“This has to be a dream,” he gasped as his hips slammed into Katherine’s humanly shaped ass. She was extremely excited herself. Her tongue was rapidly churning inside Melody, almost to the point of causing pain. Melody’s breath came in short little gasps. She adjusted her position so she would not feel quite so full, but it didn’t work. Then she felt the fire in her loins, the fire that warned of an approaching orgasm.
“Oh shit, I’m going to explode,” Melody screamed in horror. “This is so strong,” she moaned thrusting her pussy against Katherine’s tongue. “Oh Katherine, I love this so much!!!” Melody screamed and began thrashing on the couch, in the throes of her biggest orgasm ever. She screamed and beat the couch with her fists, thrashing her head from side to side in here exquisite agony. Her crotch bucked against Katherine’s tongue, rocking her head back slightly when it struck.
After watching for a moment Holly could take no more. With a yell he smashed his hips into Katherine, slamming her forward. He lay rubbing her wide, soft back as his tremendous cock shot it’s load into her upturned pussy. After an eternity, both people lay spent and gasping for breath.
When Holly pulled out of his wife’s pussy, she snaked her tongue down between her own chubby legs and slid it up inside herself. With her eyes closed her tongue expanded and slithered wildly inside her until she screamed and fell forward on Melody’s buttery soft thighs. She lay there gasping and shuddering, nearly in Melody’s pussy, until her orgasm passed.
“My God, that’s the most incredible thing I’ve ever seen!” Melody gasped as she watched the long tongue slide out of Katherine’s pussy and roll up into her mouth.
“I never get tired of watching that,” Holly said with a smile. “And I never have to worry about cumming before she does.”
They lay naked, talking about different things. It was obvious right from the start that Holly could not take his eyes off Melody. He lay visually feasting on her body, as he tried to carry on a conversation. His pecker was rock hard and throbbing in no time.
“I have to make love to you,” Holly finally said in nervous haste.
“Ok,” Melody said lamely, looking at Katherine to make sure it was all right with her. She smiled, or appeared too, and nodded to Melody.
“What about Katherine?” Melody did not want to leave out the misshapen woman with the big heart.
“She will help,” Holly said with an innocent expression. This satisfied Melody, who wanted to be fucked as badly as Holly wanted to fuck her. With her guilt assuaged, she eagerly welcomed Holly into her arms. In a moment they were in a tight embrace. Melody could feel the rock hard prick nuzzling between her legs. It was nearly inside her already. Lost in the passionate kiss, Melody changed positions minutely until the huge pecker pressed against her wet pussy, then slid eagerly inside.
Melody gasped and shuddered, but maintained the kiss with Holly. Suddenly she felt something wrong. There was another prick at the entrance of her ass, pressed up against her tight little ring. She had never had a prick up her ass before, and she knew it would hurt. Suddenly, the tip of the prick wiggled and tried to push it’s way inside her.
In horror she realized that it was not a prick. Before she could respond, the rigid tongue slid up inside her ass, nearly splitting her apart. With the huge pecker inside her, and the long tongue up her ass, she immediately felt too full. She groaned in pain, but slowly began riding Holly’s stiff prick. As Katherine’s tongue easily followed her moving ass, Melody grew more sure of herself and sat up, concentrating all her efforts into riding the huge piece of meat. Rocking gently, the tongue and prick vied for her attention. The prick was filling her up, but the tongue was swimming agilely inside her ass, like a swarm of snakes. The tremendous heat in her ass was flowing into her wet pussy, creating and erotic feeling like never before. The wet squishing sound of her pussy sliding up and down on the prick was erotic, if a little embarrassing. Katherine’s tongue made no sound at all, other than Melody’s groans in response to it’s torture. As Melody’s asshole expanded, Katherine slid more tongue inside her, filling her to the bursting point.
“Oh shit, I’m cumming!” Melody screamed, almost afraid of her approaching orgasm. If the last orgasm was big, this one would be tremendous.
“I’m cumming, oh I’m cumming!” Melody screamed, roughly rocking on Holly’s huge piece of meat. Katherine snaked her tongue around even faster, as Melody grew hotter.
Holly was groaning and massaging Melody’s perfect tits. He wished he could get one into his mouth, but Melody was too preoccupied to respond to a request. He contented himself with mashing the wonderful breasts in his hands, while watching Melody’s beautiful face twist in passion.
“Oh yeah,” he said suddenly as his orgasm exploded out of nowhere. Melody was done. Her extremely sensitive pussy wanted him to stop, but he was in the throes of orgasm and couldn’t stop. He picked her up and slammed her down on his prick until it finally exploded, shooting his hot load inside her. With Holly shooting her full of cum, and Katherine’s tongue still splitting her ass apart, Melody felt another orgasm starting. She suddenly rocked on Holly’s cock, sliding forward and back despite his protests. It took only a moment for her second orgasm to explode, tearing her sweet little loins apart.
When Melody fell forward, Holly finally captured one nipple in his eager mouth and he began sucking like a child. Melody liked it and began to relax, then Katherine slowly began sliding her tongue out of Melody’s ass. Melody’s eyes widened in horror as she felt the tremendously long tongue pulling out. It felt like it had been in clear up to her stomach. It finally came out with a little plop and her asshole slowly began to close.
“That was so gross,” Melody said, petting Holly’s head as he suckled her left breast, “but it felt so wonderful. How can I ever be content with normal sex again,” she sighed sadly.
“If we’re in the neighborhood you won’t have too,” Holly said with a smile.
“I need to get back, I have second watch,” Melody said dreamily. “Can I come back when my watch is over?”
Holly smiled and nodded. “You’re welcome any time. I will leave your name on the quarterdeck as a repeat visitor. You won’t have any trouble getting aboard.
“Great,” Melody said, looking around for her clothes. Katherine ran over to a wall outlet and pressed a button. Melody realized that Katherine did not actually look like a toad, now that she was naked. She looked more like a human doughnut without the hole. She had all the right equipment, but he was stretched in the middle.
Katherine lifted a hand in front of Melody’s face. She blinked and looked at her clothes, hanging on storage bars. Melody’s clothes were now cleaned and pressed.
“No telltale wrinkles,” Holly said with a smile.
“How thoughtful,” Melody said, slipping into her skirt. Holly was disappointed to lose the view of the absolutely perfect woman’s nakedness. But he was reassured by the thought that she would soon return. She looked and tasted absolutely delicious. He knew that Katherine agreed, she had not made a sign since they finished. She had never been so impressed by any woman before.
Melody thought her watch would never end. She immediately changed clothes and pushed her way to the head of the line at the elevator, disregarding the shouts of anger. She slid into the elevator when it opened and waited impatiently for the doors to close so she could continue her new adventure. This would not be her last visit, far from it. Both ships were in port for over a week. Melody stood on the cement and watched the Kings Booty disappearing through the clouds. She was heartbroken. It took her nearly a month to get over her grief and resume her life. She would not see the Kings Booty again for over a year. The longest year of her life.

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The New Guy in Town

As I should’ve guessed by now, having lived most of my life in Arizona, the monsoon wasn’t as close as I’d thought. I’d sped home to get under cover before the rain started, only to be greeted by wind and thunder and lightning. It all looked ominous, and it smelled like rain, but I could’ve stood outdoors with my face up, staring at the clouds, and stayed that way for a long time without ever getting wet. I sighed and went inside. My landlords’ three cats, already terrified by the ominous rumblings outside, suddenly remembered it was dinnertime, and set up an unearthly howling, the weather temporarily forgotten.
I gave them twice as much wet food as they were supposed to have in the evening, figuring that if the little furballs went into a digestive coma afterward and missed the storm, it would be better for all of us.
I’d been housesitting for three weeks while my landlords escaped the heat in San Diego. This was a great arrangement; in exchange for eliminating the rent on the guest house I leased from them in back, I could stay in the house, if I chose, and my only duties were to entertain and look after the cats, collect the paper and mail, and just keep an eyeball on the place. I could live with this plan for the rest of my life, or at least the rest of the summer.
I went into the guest bedroom where I sometimes spent the night and changed out of my work clothes, stripping entirely before slipping into a pair of shorts and a tank top. If there had been other people around, I would’ve kept on my underwear, but it was hot and muggy, and I didn’t need to have anything binding around me. I would’ve considered wandering around the house naked, except I wanted to keep the window shades open and watch the storm let loose, if it ever did.
The cats had already demolished their food and disappeared for the evening as I came back into the living room. I sifted through the mail and found a mistaken delivery, to the new guy across the street. I thought that I could drop it in his mailbox tomorrow morning, but as I looked out the front window, I saw that he was in his front yard, dutifully raking up leaves and debris even as the oncoming storm tried to thwart his efforts. I paused and stared at him a few minutes.
Damn, he was cute! I’d already discussed this with my landlords, a gay couple, and we three were in total agreement. His name was Theo, and he was a professor in the fine arts department of the university. He was Greek, either by birth or by heritage, and he was one of those dark fellows, not very tall but well made, with curly black hair, and a beard and mustache. The few times I’d approached him to give him another piece of errant mail or to exchange phone numbers, in case of an emergency, he seemed nearly as shy as I. He spoke with a trace of an accent, and perhaps this made him reluctant to say much of anything to a stranger, but he smiled easily, I think, when I wasn’t too bashful to look away.
How stupidly bashful could I be as I felt myself tingle in several places as I looked at him, though? He was wearing the traditional summer uniform of the neighborhood, t-shirt, shorts and sandals (a departure from the more popular rubber flip-flops), leaving me with a pleasant view of his legs and bare arms. I wondered if he had a girl friend (my landlords wondered he had a boy friend); so far we’d only seen Theo and Theo alone, and one of my landlords had smiled at me before they’d left for the coast and mentioned something about hope springing eternal as he cocked his head in the direction of the house across the street.
“Fuck you,” I told him sweetly, waving good-bye to them both. Who was anyone kidding? I’m nobody’s cover girl. I enjoy food and loathe exercise. It’s boring as hell. Even if I was at my ideal weight, I doubt that it would be in keeping with the good old American standard of anorexic girls being the ones all the guys are looking for. All the women in my family have breasts and hips and butts, and none of that would go away if I dieted into oblivion. (The one time I did lose weight, the only man in my circle of friends and acquaintances who showed any interest in the new, svelte me was a guy with an established reputation of screwing anything female. There was talk that he’d go after boys, too, and I believed it. He did have a prick the size of my vibrator, and he could stay as hard as it for an incredibly long time; on the other hand, he had about as much personality as a vibrator, and the best thing about fucking with him was that I didn’t have to keep one hand on him to make sure that he stayed in place.)
Depressing memories and realities aside, I thought that I might as well be the good neighbor and give Theo his letter and warn him about the storm. I slipped on my sandals and grabbed my keys, turning on the porch light and a side light in the living room for good measure before locking the door.
“If you stay out here much longer, you’re going to get hit by lightning,” I said by way of hello. “Where in the world did you find garden tools with metal handles?”
“The last owner left them in the storage shed,” Theo said, looking at the rake in his hand. “You don’t think this is a good idea?”
“I think that there’s a reason for Home Depot selling wood-handled rakes and stuff. It’s about to let loose anyway,” I added, looking up at the sky. With the clouds, gray and grayer and nearly black, swirling above us, a deluge seemed imminent.
“All right.” Theo moved the wheelbarrow to the side of the house, in front of a gate that he said was padlocked from the other side. He tried to gather up the loose tools to carry them into the house and into the shed in the back, only he had more than an armload, and I volunteered to help. We exchanged a rake and a hula hoe for the letter I’d intended to give him, and I followed him through the front door. “I’m trying to be a good neighbor and look after my yard.”
I smiled at his back, slowing as he put on a few lights; the stormy pre-dusk had undermined any natural lighting afforded by open windows. “Everyone thinks that you’re doing a good job,” I assured him. He was happy hearing that and in the spirit of neighborliness, offered to give me a tour of his house. My smile was a little more self-conscious then. “I’ve already seen it. Whenever a house goes up for sale in the neighborhood, everyone makes it a point to investigate it.
“But, I like all of your bookcases,” I rushed to add. The living room was sparsely furnished, as was the rest of the house, but the longest stretch of wall in it was filled with tall bookcases, probably custom-built, most of them filled with hundreds of books.
“You like books? Me, too. This is the first house I’ve ever owned, and I swear that it will be the last. I don’t mind traveling, but I hated to pack up and move every few years. You see that I don’t have much furniture, so that wasn’t a hardship, but I got tired of seeing my books disappear into box after box. You can come over some time and look through my books, if you like.”
I murmured in agreement and we went through the house, out into the back yard. As Theo put away the tools in the small shed, I surveyed the yard. It was long and narrow, like the entire lot, and while the previous owners hadn’t spent nearly as much time working on it as they had the front, at least they’d put in some trees and allowed them to become established. Theo closed the shed and noticed me observing the back forty. He sighed.
“I don’t know what is to become of all this space,” he announced. “Here,” he indicated the small patio that we were standing upon and which ran the width of the back of the house, “I am having a spa put in, and making a grape arbor over half of it, but the rest –” He trailed off, as though those projects would do very little to improve the yard overall.
“Oh, I think this is nice. There are a lot of trees.”
He nodded. “Yes, good ones, too.” He led me out into the yard and we stopped by each. Like in the garden that I hoped to have one day, all of the trees were fruit-producing, and the previous owners had found some that I would’ve doubted to have much success in the desert (what one can do with drip irrigation and grey water!). There was an apple and an apricot, two lemon trees, a tangerine, and a lime tree. “I wish I could have an olive, right by the patio, but somebody told me I cannot.”
I explained to Theo that the city council had banned fruit-bearing varieties of olives, but he might plant a sterile one. He shook his head. “I know they are messy, but why have an olive tree with no olives?”
I nodded. “I know what you mean. But there are still a lot of old trees in town, and just about anyone who has them will let you pick as many as you want. I’ve done that before, and cured them.” Not in a few years, admittedly, but when I had, they’d turned out as good as any in an expensive deli.
“You have!” Theo’s face lit up, a bright spot in the gloom. “My mother made olives, and my aunts in Greece still do. I’ve helped, a long time ago, too. Perhaps we can go olive-picking this autumn.” I was ready to agree to anything, seeing that lovely smile. I commented that he might consider a pomegranate tree near the patio for shade and some privacy around the spa. He liked that idea, and just as a very loud and sustained roll of thunder washed over us and we looked at each other, both of us thinking that it was high time to leave the back yard, I noticed something odd over his shoulder.
“What’s that?” I asked, already having a good idea. I walked around him and went up to a stone sculpture, a little taller than I. It was standing near the back corner of the yard. It appeared to be a column, carved smooth on four sides, so that, except for the point at the top, it might be a very short obelisk.
On its top was the head of a satyr, bearded and crowned with grape leaves. Tendrils curled around its stone horns. The sightless face was calm and serene, very nearly unsatyrlike, only that the sculptor had given the tiniest curl to one side of the mouth, so this fellow was not quite as tranquil as he first let on.
“This is another reason for me staying in one place,” Theo chuckled, “my little herm. The nuisance weighs a lot, more than I, and I think he gets heavier with each move. I think he wants to settle down.”
“I think he’d be happy here, with all the trees.” I tried not to look down the front surface of the column.
“When things are more put together, I am going to move him to the patio, so he can enjoy it as well as I. He’s not going to be relegated to this lonely little place for much longer.” Theo patted the stone satyr on the shoulder.
“He’s – it’s very nice. I’d guess that he isn’t an original.”
“Oh, ho, not at all! He’d be in the Louvre or the British Museum if he were, or maybe even the Getty. No, I bought him in Greece years ago. He’s copied after some classic herms, but he isn’t quite in keeping with those. He’s made more for the tourist trade now.” Theo reluctantly pointed to the place I’d tried to avoid looking. “Today’s people are more prurient than the old Hellenes.”
Well, since he’d pointed, I might as well look. Most pictures that I’d seen of herm, or ones that were part of museum collections, had some indication of genitalia carved in the otherwise unadorned column. What I remember seeing were bas-relief depictions, or merely outlines, of an erect penis with a very symmetrical set of testicles balanced beneath.
No such false modesty for Theo’s herm. This statue’s genitals were three-dimensional, standing away from the column boldly in a thatch of carved pubic hair, and accurate in every detail. The fellow was uncircumsized and erect, pointing wickedly to the sky, yet the head of his penis was still somewhat encased in his stony foreskin. One could almost imagine that if a little patience were practiced, the glans of that erection would peek completely through, smooth and round and very, very hard.
A shattering clap of thunder had me imagining that in the next few seconds, either Theo or I would be struck by lightning. We weren’t that unlucky, but the thunder seemed to have opened the clouds at last, and we found ourselves in the middle of a downpour. “Back to the house!” Theo cried out to me, taking my hand and pulling me to him, in that direction. I didn’t think he needed to be that dramatic or that blunt, because I had no intention of standing out here any longer.
By the time we reached the patio, we might as well have run a mile in the rain. We were both drenched, and I followed Theo’s example and kicked off my sandals on the stoop before going into the utility room. Theo was laughing at our appearances (“wet desert rats!”) and he pulled two towels from the drier, handing me one as I tried not to drip too much on the floor.
I took the towel Theo had given me and made a few sweeps of my hair, giving it more attention than I wanted (it was only wet hair, after all) when I caught him watching me. The movement of my arms had called my unbound breasts into play, and my chilled nipples might’ve raked the thin cotton of my tank top had the wet cloth not clung to them possessively. Because of this, my newly-hardened nipples were mercilessly outlined, only decent due to the fabric that was rain-plastered over them. With an inward sigh, I put the towel over my shoulders, like a shawl, affording a curtain to this delicious little peep show.
“You said you like books. Let me show you something,” Theo suggested in a brittle voice, obviously wanting to change topics, spoken or observed. I followed him into the master bedroom. It was larger than most, the space at the foot of the bed capable of holding a pair of chairs clustered around a low table. There were a number of coffee table-style books on it, and Theo handed me the top one. “Here is my most recent work. Photos and text are both mine.” His eyes darted in the direction of the master bathroom. “If you want to look at it, I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
I smiled and took the book. As he disappeared, I settled myself on the poured-concrete footboard of the platform bed; it seemed more comfortable that either of the chairs in the room. I pulled the towel from my shoulders. It was already clammy, and I had enough of that from my top and shorts. I began to skim the pages of the books, bright, bold colors of Greek villages and the Aegean sea. I couldn’t stop thinking of the herm outside, or its shameless erection, being lashed by an Arizona monsoon, and I thumbed through the book, wondering if there might be any photos of Greek sculpture.
I glanced up as a heard a peculiar noise come from the bathroom. I couldn’t recall if Theo had closed a door, but the bath itself was recessed, and one had to go through the equivalent of a walk-in closet to reach it. As a result, privacy was assured even without a door.
Nevertheless, I nearly dropped the heavy book as I saw him reflected in a full-length mirror against one wall of the closet. Theo had pulled off his shirt. I don’t know where it had gone. His shorts were pooled at his ankles. He was leaning against the bathroom counter, his face screwed up in an inscrutable expression as both hands hovered over his groin.
He had grasped his fully erect penis, and although it was obscured with his actions, it could only be described as generous. The head was crimson and obviously bloated, ready and eager to bore into any willing female (or male, if my landlords had anything to say in the matter). I slid the book down to the floor, propping it against the footboard, never taking my eyes from this graphic demonstration. Without diverting my eyes, I pulled my top up to my armpits, releasing my breasts.
I attacked my nipples then, grasping each one between prodding fingers, the aureoles round and pebbly as the firm nipples swelled even more at the vigorous attention. We each pleasured ourselves for a little bit, my tits trembling and shaking as the crotch of my shorts was caught up high between my legs, growing wet with my juices. At other times, were I to stand up suddenly, I’d be embarrassed to have to recover the fabric from between my ass cheeks, but there wasn’t a thought of shame in me right now.
I gasped as I suddenly realized that Theo wasn’t masturbating, but trying to ease the blood from his erection. He was taking deep, open-mouthed breaths, attempting to calm himself, and with distress I began to see his penis pale, softening a little in his grip. My groin lurched at the spectacle, and I could feel the lips of my vulva alternately open and purse, begging to accept this rod if it were only offered. Even if he didn’t have fucking in mind, why on earth didn’t he relieve the tension in his groin the good old-fashioned way? There were towels within arms’ reach, and he’d no doubt feel better if he were only to allow nature to take its course.
My mind raced. I wasn’t being entirely altruistic, thinking only that Theo ought to be treating himself more gently. With each soundless gasp that escaped through his lips, I could swear I saw Theo’s erection flag a little more, the purple hue of animal passion drain into the ashen color of civility. I squeezed my breasts to my chest and suppressed a deep sigh, even a throat-seizing groan. Maybe I shouldn’t have — maybe I should’ve called to Theo in this uncontrolled way, calling him to me like a stallion to a mare, a dog to a bitch in heat. After all, it was no mistake that I (yes, me!) must have caused this wonderful, sexual response. My hips were jutting forward, and I took a deep breath.
“Theo, can you come here a minute?” I said in a raised voice. I could see him pause, distracted by me, and this brief respite allowed his unruly penis to try and recover its former glory. Oh, God, I saw it jerk hard in his hand! I felt a phantom prick, and big as the one he was trying to suppress, working its way into my cunt as a matching pulsation twinged between my legs.
“A moment,” he replied, working again, now with more fervor on controlling his desire.
“No, now, please.” Each word was a sentence, a calm but irrefutable command, and I was pleased that I’d had the good sense to make my request in a sane manner. I watched as he pulled his shorts up his legs clumsily, and I grinned as I noticed, him walking back to the bedroom door, that he’d only drawn the garment over his front; his firm, perfectly-formed ass refused to be bound unless he made a stronger effort to conceal it. I leaned back on the footboard, and when he ducked his head around the door to see what I considered so important, his face froze in surprise.
My breasts were still exposed; I’d left them on their own to argue our case as I’d pulled the crotch of my shorts to one side with my left hand. With my right, I teased open the folds of pink skin and gave a tiny cry of pleasure as I located, then gently pinched my swollen clitoris. It was as excited as his penis, only I wasn’t doing anything so foolish as trying to stop the ecstasy I was feeling. Knowing that I had his undivided attention, I toyed with my clit for a few moments before I eased my index finger between the moist lips of my vulva, into my vagina. I trembled, partly for show, mostly for the fierce sensation I’d given myself. The walls of my pussy sucked at my finger greedily, and my pelvis rocked my buttocks on the hard seat.
I’d fixed my eyes upon him the moment his head had appeared around the doorway, but as I masturbated, my eyes focused and unfocused dreamily upon his face. Perhaps that made the fact that I’d never displayed myself so explicitly for anyone as I was doing now easier for my rational mind to accept.
“I’m sure there’s something that would feel even better than this.” It took a lot of effort for me to say this without slurring my speech or moaning like a banshee. I pulled out my finger, and a wet, soaked sound of lust accompanied it.
“We hardly know each other.” That was certainly true. If I intended this to be our first sexual encounter, what had been our first date, or our courtship? Looking at the erection on that herm?
Theo didn’t leave his hiding place, but I could see in the mirror that his ass quivering as he pulled himself against the door-jamb. No doubt he was pressing his cock against it, a final attempt to conquer the unconquerable. Was it as hard as I’d first seen it? Oh, please, I silently begged any higher power that smiles upon these salacious matters, let it be so!
I swallowed hard and forced some saliva into my dry mouth, so when I spoke, it wouldn’t sound like a rusty latch. “We know each other well enough to know what we need.” Yes, there was want there, but there was also a need, possibly greater than we could imagine or dared to admit. I stood up, a little wobbly; my toes burrowed into the carpet, steadying me, and I waited a few moments before slipping my shorts down my legs, stepping out of them defiantly. I heard him start to make another excuse, and I silenced it with a groan, as my hands went to my chest, massaging my breasts and sliding under the soft skin of them.
“Please, Theo,” I said in a weirdly detached way. No, I wasn’t detached from the request; I was only begging politely.
I let him watch as I pulled at my nipples with my extended fingertips until they were as hard as I ever remember them being. I stood still then and offered the rose-tipped flesh to him. “Your herm is ready for me,” I said quietly; if he didn’t like what he saw, a chunky but extremely horny woman standing in his own bedroom, I doubt that the herm would give a damn. There was naked commitment in my voice, “If I have to, I’ll go out there and take care of myself.”
I was dead-serious, and Theo knew it. I think that we could both imagine me walking bare-skinned across the yard, defying the rain and the thunder, my feet and legs spattered with mud, my hair plastered in strings to my back and shoulders. I squirmed as I imagined myself embrace the column, my feet unsure in the slurry of gravel, sand and mud, but then straddling the constant erection, wet with rain, and a moment later, wetter with my lascivious urges. I groaned as a clap of thunder rolled over the house.
Please, Theo, I prayed, I want it this way.
I held onto my breasts as Theo surrendered, coming out of the bathroom/closet, still maintaining a partial modesty. I think his prick was the only thing keeping his shorts at his waist. He faced me, dark eyes drinking me in, and in spite of his protests or attempts for reason, I could smell not only his fresh sweat, but the underlying aroma sex that emanated from him. No man smells like that who doesn’t want to act upon such desires. I felt his hands touch the tops of my breasts, and I released them to his warm, willing hands. “What tetas!” he murmured, obviously pleased. He leaned down to kiss each one hello, rolling the nipples around in his wet mouth like hard, sweet candies. “Such tetas! So lovely!”
I murmured a thanks and pulled at the waistband of his shorts. Without a struggle, they came away and dropped to the ground, while his erection defied gravity and prudence. It was as bold as when he’d first tried to restrain it, and it hovered expectantly in front of me, as if knowing exactly where to go. This close, I was immediately intimidated by the size of it. All those unromantic and accurate terms for it raced through my mind: boner, club, schlong. Even if I disregarded such vulgarities, I was facing no less than a big, fat cock.
Theo looked up from my breasts and chuckled. “Now a little frightened?” he asked. He might’ve been teasing me, questioning my motives, but his thumbs massaged my nipples, very wet with his saliva, and I doubt that he wanted me to change my mind now.
“Maybe, a little. It’s been a while, that’s all,” I replied as bravely as I could, but yes, I was frightened, too. It was beautiful and terrifying, all at once.
“Yes, for me, too. That’s why he’s so lusty.” Theo put his mouth against my ear. “But he’s always this big.” He finished this statement with a warm chuckle.
“It doesn’t mean that I don’t want – you,” I whimpered and put out my hands, taking the erection in them both and placing it between my thighs. I didn’t angle it up to penetrate me, not yet, but merely settled it along the length of my groin, so Theo would realize in very little time how hot and wet he was making me (and had already made me). Now, having straddled my own living herm, I embraced him, my arms around his shoulders, my hands twining in his dark, curly hair. My breasts crushed to his chest, and he released them to slide his palms over my broad hips.
Each large hand grappled with a buttock, eventually pushing them in rhythm so that his hips ground against mine. “What lovely round cheeks you have. Nice juicy handfuls!” He kneaded them like dough, as his penis jerked and bucked against me, eager to find its deep, dark refuge. It very nearly hurt as it stabbed up at me, and I wondered if Theo were in pain, the blunt, eager head trying over and over to find a sanctuary.
The two of us bravely kept it at bay, focusing on each others’ panting mouths with their probing tongues and parted lips, or on my nipples, nestled in the mat of dark hair on his chest, or my buttocks, massaged with growing desire. Here was our missing courtship, a little unorthodox by our quick undressing but passionate and loving, nevertheless. Oh, he had a nice ass, too, maybe a little too round for some womens’ tastes, but dished in nicely upon the sides, unbelievably sexy under my touch. My fingers trembled as I explored him. His skin was hot to the touch.
I cried out as a bold knuckle, which had been pressing delightfully against the bud of my anus, withdrew to allow a fully-extended finger to waggle its way up my rectum. The cheeks of my buttocks closed hard around the intruder’s hand, but not before I had realized how quickly (and effortlessly) he had entered me. “Ah, do you like me knocking at your back door, to play there, or not?” Theo asked; the rapid, easy penetration had suggested one thing, but my tightened bottom another.
“I’ve got to get used to it.” He wiggled the coy offender in place. It felt awfully good. I smiled at him and rotated my ass in reply. “That’s a nice start.”
“Then I’ll do it more,” he promised. He might’ve, had I not been nearly knocked from my feet by a massive pulsation of his penis. I shuddered at the sensation, crying out in surprise, and he let go of my rump. His finger dallied its way out of my butt, tickling me between my cheeks. “I think it best if we relax on the bed.” I nodded and stepped back, the turgid head of his erection dragging itself wetly over my vulva and clitoris. I shivered and moved quickly to the bed, tossing back the covers and sliding onto it on my belly, reveling in the coolness of the linen sheets. Theo was a bit more reserved, as there was no way to lie on his stomach without great forethought.
I rolled onto my back and brazenly splayed open my legs. “Are you always this accommodating?” he chortled.
“Oh, God, never before,” I confessed to him with complete honesty. That was true, and I hoped that he believed me, but it was also true that I was seduced by his maleness, wanting and needing it beyond all reason. “You are just so – ” I fought for the right word, and didn’t find it, ” – nice. Sexy. Handsome. Horny – I mean, you make me horny.” I groaned and massaged my breasts, not caring how I looked or what he thought; I had been transported to ultimate desire. I’d nearly been there before, watching him clandestinely from across the street, then masturbating in my bed, imagining how he might feel and how he might fill me if he were to lie between my legs.
“I am so hot, I can’t stand it,” I breathed. My hips rolled up, the lips of my groin winking open for him.
Maybe I should’ve calmed myself down then and given some thought to just kissing and cuddling together on the wide bed, or, allowing him to suck on my nipples more, but all of my body was concentrating on my genitals, and they nearly cried for satisfaction. “I need you, Theo.”
He nodded and held his ground. How he could just stand there, nude, erect, oozing a thick, big bead of precum –
“You can make love to me,” I said, “but if you just want to call it fucking, that’s all right, too.” No commitments, just sex. If that was all that happened, I’d be unhappy about it, but it had happened to me before and I’d survived. This time felt the best of my previous sexual encounters, and I feared most it coming to nothing. Even now I had astounding memories to treasure.
“It is all the same,” he said with a sultry smile, approaching the bed, “fucking, rutting, making love. I will do all that to you. Would you like that, little one?”
I only groaned a positive reply, the erect penis hovering over me. My hips levered up, hungry and needy, and I kept them suspended as the slick head of his hard erection finally kissed my pussy lips in welcome. His strong hands supported my buttocks in a warm hammock. Then flesh made way for flesh, softness for hardness, and when I came to rest upon the mattress, I was pinned there with a delightful, demanding pressure upon me and within me. I cried out my first orgasm then, with just the head of his cock within me, opening the passage in a tender but relentless manner, pushing the lips apart. Theo hardly minded my wailing, and stared lovingly at me until it and my climax passed, his cock-head tenuously anchored within me. Then there was a long, slow introduction to his organ, my vagina stretching and clasping around it. It was a tight fit, but he went with the utmost ease, until the root of his penis pressed hard to my throbbing clitoris, and I knew that it wasn’t going to be my last climax.
His first orgasm was swift. Barely four complete strokes passed before he muttered something I couldn’t understand, then a stiffening of his whole body, as though his cock had taken control of him. A hot fullness followed with a coarse groan from deep in his chest.
Theo cradled me in his arms, his head and chest slightly raised over mine. The barest tip of his tongue played over my lips, and when they parted, it slipped in to touch the hard and soft interface between my upper lip and my teeth. Such a small, nearly innocent gesture, yet I was already beginning to undulate against him, desiring him again. “Ah, little one, what a lively creature you are,” he laughed low, retrieving his tongue and pushing his lips to mine.
“I’m hardly little,” I replied. There wasn’t much difference in height, and his solid, just-over-slim build made me uncomfortable with my proportions.
“Well, I want a term of endearment for you, and I thought that one was not too familiar.” I laughed aloud at that; we had just endured bone-shattering orgasms in each other’s arms, we were sweating like plow horses, my pussy was oozing the thick cream of his semen, and his penis looked as though it had been iced like a cinnamon bun. If that wasn’t familiar, Theo had a different dictionary than the one I used. I think he caught the irony, and he cocked his head. “Shall I call you dear one?”
“That’s nice,” I smiled, settling back on the pillows. “I like little one, though. It sounds fine, coming from you.”
“I shall call you all manner of sweet things, and show them to you, too.” His smile was big and very white against his beard and mustache. He kissed me again, impulsively, and trying to maintain this cavalier aura, he jostled me in his arms. There was an additional thrust of his groin against my hip. “Tell me, little one, if I had not come to my senses, would you have gone outside to be satisfied by the herm?”
The worst part of the storm had passed, but there was a steady rain pattering on the window above us. His eyes studied me closely, and I could be nothing less than honest. He had seen me naked and desperate, unashamed by acting like a whore in front of a near stranger. “Yes, I would’ve gone out there,” I replied, “but I only would have been relieved by the herm. Here I was satisfied. By you.”
He blinked at me several times; although he smiled, his eyes were somber. He was trying to find something to say, but nothing seemed adequate. I felt the pulse of his penis on my skin, and I moved a little into it, and it responded with an immediate thickening. I sighed in pleasure at this small victory, his desire returning as quickly as his erection. Now he found words. “Shall I satisfy you again, dear one?” I had already slipped from his grasp and assumed the posture of a woman in heat. With a chuckle, he replied with that of a man in need, in lust.
We ate the sausage and mushroom pizza in bed, not wanting to be far from it in the event our sexual appetite returned, although we would’ve used any willing surface to support either one of our backs. Theo had gone to answer the door, even though I teased him that he wouldn’t be able go five minutes without an erection. He’d tossed the comforter over me to hide my charms from his all-too-easily persuaded eyes, and turned his back on me as he slipped on his shorts. I’d planned to fix him when he returned, and arranged myself in all my naked glory in the center of the bed. Propped up on pillows and cushions, my index and middle fingers were deep in my pussy as I heard him humming, coming back to the bedroom. He’d anticipated my trick, and he was already nude, half-erect, as he came into the room.
He balanced the pizza box on the foot-board and climbed into bed beside me. “Such a wicked thing,” he nuzzled my cheek, pulling my hand from between my legs. “I thought we both decided we were hungry.”
We had, and I might’ve made some flippant comment about preferring lowly pizza to sex, except I could only watch and let out a thin sound of desire, as he took my offending fingers and sucked them dry, one by one, never taking his eyes from me. “What a lovely appertif,” he sighed, savoring each one. I thought it best to restrain myself during dinner, and we sat together like old college friends, sharing a glass of Coke as we ate over the pizza box. In spite of our remarkable reserve, the pizza was slippery with cheese, and we each suffered our share of spattered tomato sauce and the errant mushroom slice. A quick lick here or there served for a hasty clean-up, but we’d benefit from a real shower after dinner.
Theo put aside the pizza box and the uneaten portion and I rolled onto my belly, feeling pleasantly but not overly full. The gnawing sensation from having missed dinner several hours ago had been appeased, and I was returning to my reverie at being naked in this wonderful fellow’s bed. I turned up my head as he lay beside me, and he kissed some tomato sauce from the corner of my mouth. “Would my little one like a shower?” he said, reading my mind.
“That would be nice.” I could hear the rain continue outside, slowing at last. I certainly didn’t want to go home. To prove that point, I swayed my bottom a little, and Theo ran his hand from my shoulder, where he’d been tangling it in my hair, down my spine and over my buttocks, letting it remain there. The very tips of his fingers dropped into the curving crack. He leaned forward and nuzzled my shoulder.
“Do you know what a hoplite is, little one?” he asked me lazily, the pads of his fingers pressing against my buttocks almost imperceptibly. While I don’t think I reacted outwardly, I heard a catch in my inner voice. Had he read my mind again? I murmured a yes, and found myself spreading my legs apart more than slightly so that the cheeks of my ass moved apart as well. Theo rumbled a laugh in his chest and took advantage of this development; his fingertips touched lower against my flesh, coming to rest on the narrow strip of tissue that formed the separation between my buttocks. “Do you know how they loved?”
I raised my head and looked at him over my shoulder. “Why do you ask?”
“Just curious. Your beautiful bottom seems intrigued by such things.” To prove his point, a single finger touched my anus, resting there lightly but persistently, like a dragonfly on a blade of grass. I let out a hiss of desire. “You see?”
“Yes.” I hoped that he might put a finger in me again, as he had done while we shared our first sensual embrace, but he didn’t. “I’ve only done that once before, Theo,” I told him matter of factly. “Actually, it was done to me. I’d said I was interested, and about all I did from that point was to get on my hands and knees. The next thing I knew I had the guy’s entire dick up my ass.” I said this as quickly as the encounter had been for me. “It hurt like fire, and there was blood afterward.”
“Oh, your poor bottom!” he said empathically, regarding it with a certain sadness. “What an idiot he must’ve been.”
I shrugged, acknowledging his assessment of my previous encounter. “Well, it didn’t happen again.” That one experience hadn’t completely soured me on the idea, and I smiled at Theo. “I’m not unwilling, with the right person, and the right touch,” I said quietly. The dragonfly pushed against me very nicely, and I sighed, a smile curling my lips.
Theo drew me from the bed and took me into the bathroom, which had a separate shower stall and bathtub. We decided on a shower, the bathtub really only made to accommodate a single person – we’d wait for that new spa to explore our lust underwater. Our initial soaping brought Theo to a proud erection, as large as it always was, just as he’d whispered into my ear. I was a little anxious, but I’d been consumed with pleasure during our first intercourse. Now he was unerringly patient, massaging my buttocks and my thighs, rubbing my belly and breasts with an erotic massage that in time made me willing to do anything with him.
With a generous handful of liquid soap and warm water, I turned my back on him, leaning against the glass of the shower walls as he gently pried my cheeks apart. I fondled his penis and positioned the swollen head against my skin. I finally gathered up my courage let go of it and pressed my hands to the glass, forcing myself to breathe evenly and deeply. In this position I had to trust Theo entirely.
Each exhalation from my lungs was a form of relaxation, and I felt the turgid knob of his erection rest low between the cheeks of my soapy buttocks. I tried not to tense up. I’d licked and sucked it in bed, and it didn’t seem so threatening there. On the other hand, my mouth could open a lot wider than my ass, which seemed to have a particularly stubborn mind of its own, particularly at a time like this.
A few moments passed, and now I felt Theo press the glans against me with a heavy, deliberate tension. My sphincter widened gradually and stayed that way. No relief, no respite. I heard myself mewling and crying, tiny sobs, but I wasn’t going to say no or stop. More pressure. Please don’t let it be pain, I prayed, forcing myself to take deep breaths. Water from the shower spilled into my open mouth. More pressure. “Oooh,” I moaned, locking my knees so I wouldn’t jerk away from between Theo and the wall.
There was a sudden ease in the pressure, only a tiny bit, really, but a notifiable change, and I heard Theo laughing in the rush of water. My sphincter was stretched open and being held there by the width of his erection. Theo’s hands slipped around me, taking hold of a heaving breast.
“Look, dear one,” he urged me, “see how pretty you are in the mirror.” He could see me pressed against the clear glass of the shower door, and as he saw my smile in the reflection, he squeezed my breasts.
“You look so happy. Even your tetas are happy.” My nipples were hard and pleasingly sore with his kisses and nips. “And how is your little pearl? Is it happy, too?” One hand reached down between my legs, coaxing my clit out of its fleshy sheath with a few tempting strokes.
I leaned against him, trying to watch us. “Are you in all the way?” I asked, nuzzling his neck.
“Oh, my heavens, no, little one. A little at a time. No more this time. This is a strange, exotic place for both of us. We need to go slowly so we can explore it.” I reached behind me and discovered that only the head of his penis had penetrated me; the shaft was nestled between my cheeks. “You see? Just my juicy purple plum on top – it feels good just like this, doesn’t it?”
I could hardly argue with him. I was pleasantly opened, and my mound was being fingered expertly. I began to respond to that, which in turn, tightened my anus around his erection. He grasped at the tightness, which only served to spur me to another spasm of passion. We took turns gasping for air, and after an brief but intense interlude of squeezing and massaging and prodding, we came one after the other, my body leaning heavily against the glass, water cascading over my shoulders and back, my clit burning down to my toes, while Theo cried out like the thunder, delivering wave after wave of come into me. He carefully leaned on me, as the spasms passed through his penis and into my body, and already I was anticipating the next time we joined this way, taking his erection just a little deeper into my body, locking it into me ruthlessly.
I moved in a week later.

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Canadian Vacation

He was lying behind me, holding me close with a hand over one tit while his erection did its work. Just as I was about to roll over he started huffing and humping against my ass as he came. No sooner did his cock quit spitting when he got off my bed and hurried from the room. I flipped over to see who it was but it was too dark, I saw only a pale shadow barely visible in the night. I had just gotten screwed in my sleep and didn’t know which of them did it.

Boy Did My Daughter Surprise Me Chapter 17

Chapter 17
The feeling that overwhelmed my body was nothing like I imagined it would be, it has never felt so good to be caught doing something I knew I shouldn’t be doing. My heart pounding at my chest, cold chills consuming my body I could only stand and stare at my beautiful daughter sitting in front of me dressed in the sexy outfit that she had bought for me. The sound from the movie slowly faded as thoughts of what to say filled my head, I knew I couldn’t play dumb since it was clearly her in the pictures and video. Still unable to speak my trance was broken by her sweet voice.
“Let me see here.” she breathed as she scrolled through her thread and stopped on one of my own comments and started reading it word for word. “You look fantastic, I would love to see more of that sweet pussy.” she scrolled down to another one “I can only imagine filling that tight ass of yours with my thick cock” she read it and turned and looked straight ahead at my throbbing cock only feet from her face. She clicked on a previous page and found the pictures of her sucking my dick while I pretended to be asleep and spun around in the chair facing me with her red stockings covered legs spread wide showing me her red lace covered crotch. “I have a felling you were awake, huh? Did you like me sucking your dick daddy, did you like your daughter sucking your dick? Does your little girl turn you on, I know how you like young girls I bet you jack off looking at me don’t you.” Amber said in a sexy voice. I finally calmed down enough to speak “I’m sorry honey I couldn’t help it, you have been driving me crazy walking around here naked. I mean look at you sitting there in that sexy outfit, you know you are driving me crazy.” Amber just smiled and placed her right hand on her stomach and slowly moved it toward the red lace “Do you like this outfit, I bought it just for you. I had planned on letting you take it off of me tonight but I think I will make you wait since you have made me wait, you knew I wanted you or I wouldn’t have sucked your dick while I thought you were asleep. You could have been fucking me but you made me wait so I think I will tease you some more.” Amber said as she slid her hand into the red panties and smiled. “You are a dirty girl Amber with her hand stirring in her panties she looks at my dick and says “You mean you jack off to my pictures but your gonna just stand there and watch. Let me see you jack off.” I wrapped my hand around my dick and started stroking it as my eyes scanned the beauty in front of me. “There you go, stoke that nice dick for me.”
My attention was broke when Emily walked into the room still wearing the white outfit stopping to look at me and then Amber playing with herself in front of the pictures of her sucking my dick and then back to Amber. “Hey sexy your just in time for the show. Guess who is one of our biggest fans on the forum, it seems he likes jacking off looking at our pics so I am gonna let him see it in person. Would you like to join me?” Emily quickly agreed and walked over to Amber and placed her hands on her legs bending over giving me a perfect view of her open crotch framed in the white lace garter straps running across her tight ass cheeks. As she leaned in Amber slid her hand from her panties and shoved two glistening finger into Emily’s mouth which she slowly cleaned before Amber lowered her hand back into her panties and welcomed her with a slow deep kiss. I watched as Emily slowly worked her kisses across the red lace bra stopping to give her nipples a little attention and worked her way across her stomach where she fell to her knees between Amber’s legs, with her hand still working furiously under the red lace the other reached and pulled Emily’s head between her legs. Emily slowly licked the inside of her legs before running her tongue across the lace pushing it deep into the material as she slid her hands up Amber’s thighs grabbing the sides of her panties and pulled on them as she pushed her tongue deeper, still pulling on her panties she licked down Amber’s leg pulling the red lace panties down exposing the three fingers being pushed into the slick pussy of my little girl. Emily slid the panties over her feet before placing them at her nose and taking a deep breath and turning to her side and wrapping them around my dick while getting in a few firm stokes before leaning over taking my dick into her mouth burying her nose in the wet panties, I stood nervously watching Amber watch me get a blowjob form her best friend but she didn’t seem to have a problem with it. My attention quickly turned back to my girl filling her slick pussy with her fingers as I felt the oh familiar feeling in my balls, I was about the fill Emily’s mouth with my load.
“That’s enough we don’t want him cumming yet.” said Amber. Emily slowly released my ready to explode dick from her mouth and found her way back between the waiting legs of my little girl as she slid her sloppy fingers from her pussy so Emily could have her turn. I slowly made my way to their side for a better look, the site of my baby getting her pussy ate was more than I could handle. I couldn’t stop this one I had to cum, with a quick stroke on my panty covered dick I exploded a long stream of cum across Amber’s stomach only to be followed by two more. Amber smiled as she looked down at my cum covering her stomach, Emily quickly saw what the moaning she heard was from. With her hands on her hips Emily licked up her stomach taking in a mouthful of my cum and returning to the waiting pussy, I watched as she sank her tongue deep into Amber’s pussy pushing my cum in with it. Not wasting any she licked all of my cum from her stomach swallowing some and filling Amber’s pussy with the rest. With Emily’s tongue waiting I watched Amber push what cum she could from her pussy on the waiting tongue, with an open mouth Amber waited as the load was brought to her where she sucked it from Emily’s tongue. With the two deep in a kiss I knew I needed to get involved I couldn’t stand and watch anymore so with Emily standing between Amber’s legs holding them spread I crawled between her legs and tasted my little girl’s pussy for the first time. My heart pounded as reality hit me, I was between my daughter’s legs eating her pussy as she swapped my cum with her best friend, the smell of her young pussy quickly drove me back to full length. Emily stepped from her straddling position letting me see my girl as I licked on her pussy, she had pulled her bra down and rubbing her firm tits as her eyes opened. With her looking in my eyes I lifted my mouth from her pussy “I love you baby.” I whispered. She quickly confirmed she was ok with what we were doing by telling me she loved me too. Feeling better I raised my hand sinking my thumb in her sloppy pussy as I crossed it stopping to rub her clit as I licked away at her sweet love hole.
I was so into pleasing my baby I hadn’t noticed Emily had laid on my bed watching us, her hands slowly rubbing between her legs. With our attention she smiled “Why don’t you come over here so we can give him a good show?” she said. Amber looked at me “Come on, we cant leave her out.” I stood between her legs my dick only inches from her pussy, I reached out as she took my hand and lead her to my bed where she crawled between Emily’s open legs giving me what I have wanted to see. Her thick ass stretched the garter straps tight against her cheeks, I stood and watched her thick ass wiggle as she lapped at Emily’s pussy. I was standing by the bed with my dick only inches from her ready holes not sure how long I could resist sticking it in one of them. I knew I wanted the night to last so grabbed the garter straps and pulled my face between her thick cheeks, I had the part of her body I wanted the most at my mercy. “Lick my ass daddy. I want you to lick my ass.” Amber gave me my instructions and I happily obliged her running my tongue across her puckered hole. It only took a couple licks before her tight little ass had opened up welcoming my tongue.
“Oh my god, your ass is awesome!” I mumbled between licks.
“Is he eating that ass good for ya? Can he eat it as good as me?” asked Emily.
What I heard next let me know I was being too easy on her. “No baby, nobody eats ass like you!” answered Amber. With that I knew I needed to pick up the pace so I grabbed her left cheek and spread it wide as I pushed my thumb into her ass, I heard her moan with every push.
“Sounds like hes doing it right now.” said Emily. Ambers moans only got louder as I licked my way down to her pussy while fucking her ass with my thumb. After taking turns on her holes for a while I was ready to step it up again, so I reached wrapped my arms around her and rolled her over to her back laying her beside Emily and laid between them putting a hand between each of their legs and rubbing their pussies. Amber quickly put her attention to my hard dick between them while Emily laid and enjoyed the fingering I was giving her.
“This time you don’t have to act like your asleep.” said Amber as she took my dick in her mouth. With Amber obviously trying hard to impress my with her cock sucking skills (Doing a great job of it I may add) my assault on Emily’s pussy began to slow, eager to be involved she crawled to her knees next to me and joined my horny daughter in sucking my cock. With her sweet hole only inches from my face I quickly filled it with my fingers as I watched the two take turns licking my balls then swallowing my shaft. My fingers deep in Emily’s pussy seemed to be doing the job, with a quick moan and a lot of shaking I watched Emily’s juices cover my hand as I brought her to her first orgasm of the night. Emily watched as I pulled my sticky finger from her quivering hole and licked her sweet nectar from my fingers “Oh you wan to taste this sweet pussy do ya, I’ll give it to ya.” said Emily as she stretched her leg across my face for me to eat her sweet pussy, the white lace skirt barely covering her ass cheeks. Before I had a chance to lick her sweet slit a watched as she pushed the rest of her juices from her hole, with a nice pearl of cum dripping from her lips I slowly licked her folds clean before grabbing handfuls of the lace skirt and sinking my tongue deep between her swollen lips. Unable to watch Amber suck my dick I would look around Emily’s white stocking covered leg to catch a peek of Amber’s nice thick ass stuck up in the air.
Suddenly I noticed Amber had relieved herself of her cock sucking and was sitting astraddle me in a deep kiss with Emily.
“Should we let him watch?” asked Amber. “I think so.” replied Emily as she raised up giving me a clear view of both their pussies straddling me. Unable to reach Amber I could only watch as she grabbed my dick and held it straight up in the air and slowly lowered her body to my waiting dick.

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MY COLONOSCOPY (Humor)

Dedicated to fellow writer Clarise.
Dear reader; this non-erotic short story is my first attempt at writing humor. If you want a little chuckle read on and then leave a comment to let me know what you think of my effort. If you are looking for something a little more sexually salacious, you might want to look at another offering and then come back when you are in the mood for humor.
In support and in solidarity, I dedicate this story to my friend and fellow writer, Clarise, who recently had one of her stories deleted. My Colonoscopy:
by Hardrive
After several weeks of complaining about stomach discomfort and constipation, my wife Rita got tired of my belly aching and called her fudge-packing brother for advice. That made a lot of sense. After all, who better to ask about asshole problems than your queer brother? Woops, did I say queer? I meant to say Homo-American. Anyway, Rita said her brother recommended I go see a gastroenterologist for a full evaluation.
“What?” I asked, “An ass-hole-enter what? That doesn’t even sound like a real doctor. It’s probably some kind of voodoo fag doctor.”
“No, you homophobic ignore-anus” came Rita’s cynical reply. “A gas-tro-enter-ologist, is a doctor that specializes in disorders of the digestive system. My brother is a well regarded general practitioner and if he says you should have a full evaluation of your intestinal track, that’s exactly what you’re going to do. It’s high time someone looks up your stupid ass to see what kind of problems you’ve got brewing up there.”
“Oh, really,” I said, mocking her sarcastic tone, “Since you insist I need to have my colon examined by a doctor, I guess you’re finally ready to admit you’ve been wrong about me all these years.” Rita’s perplexed expression indicated that she had no idea what I was talking about, so I explained. “You’re always saying that I have my head stuck up my ass.” Rita nodded in agreement. “Well,” I said with a smug smile, “if my head was really up my ass why would we need to hire a doctor to see what’s wrong… I could see it for myself.”
I thought that was hilarious, so I slapped my wife’s butt and did a little victory jig while laughing my head off. Rita wasn’t amused.
“Oh, you can’t take it when I get the upper hand.” I started to mock her. “You think you and that fairy brother of yours are so much smarter than me. Just ‘cause I don’t have a fancy college education don’t mean that I can’t tell when you’re trying to pull my leg. There is no such thing as an ass-hole-enter-whatever, So, go ahead and make an appointment with your made-up doctor. I dare you.” Rita just gave me an icy stare, smiled and walked away.
A week later we were sitting at the doctor’s office listening to him explain why I needed to have a colonoscopy. I told the doc I’ve never heard of a cola-ass-copy and had no idea what he was talking about. The doctor picked up a book with full color illustrations and used it to thoroughly explain the procedure. Pointing to the interior of the large intestine he indicated the areas that he wanted to examine and photograph.
Nodding thoughtfully, I pretended to understand what he was talking about and asked a question or two that was intended to display my advanced knowledge of medical terms. “Will you be using an x-ray camera or an MIR to photograph my inners?
The doctor smiled. “No, we use a flexible hose to guild a miniature camera through your anus and into the full length of your large intestine.” Then he showed me a picture of a little camera attached to a very long black hose.
Hell no! I said to myself. I won’t even let my family doctor check my prostate, so there was no way this joker was going to shove a big old hose up my ass. Looking around the office I spotted the door, popped up out of my seat and began to vigorously shake the doctor’s hand while I thank him profusely for wonderful presentation. The doctor seemed confused and tired to interrupt me several times but I just continued to pump his hand while backing up towards the door. My plan was working just fine and I actually got to openthe door open and had one foot over the threshold before my wife decided to intervene.
Now at this point I’d like to pause to give my male readers some advice. Never marry a stout, red headed woman of Italian-Irish descent. That combination gives them a split personality that makes Bruce Banner’s transformation into the Hulk look like a mild eccentricity. In public she tries to maintain the illusion that she is the devoted wife and I’m the boss in our relationship… but in reality she calls all the shots and only lets me do what she wants me to do.
In public she always agrees with me but she uses a code to let me know what she really wants. Whenever she smiles and says ‘Yes dear’ while putting the accent on the ‘yes’ but elongating the ‘dear,’ that means that if I even think about doing what I want, she’ll make my life a living hell. And let me tell you, when my wife says ‘living hell’ she’s not talking about Dante’s little cake walk through the seven levels of the fiery pit. She’s talking about providing me with my own personal apocalypse. Believe me, when it comes to pursuing a vengeful agenda, my wife puts Captain Ahab to shame.
In this case she was determined that I was going to have that colonoscopy, so she moved quickly to intercept me at the door. Putting her arm around me in a very loving way, she smiled at the doctor while she worked her hand under my coat and up to my neck. Putting me in her version of the Vulcan death grip, Rita paralyzed my body. When the doctor noticed that my expression suddenly went blank, he asked if there was something wrong. All I could do was move my head left to right as Rita manipulated the back of my neck. When he asked if he could schedule my procedure, I wanted to say hell no but I found myself nodding ‘yes.’ Then, when the doctor smiled and said goodbye, Rita squeezed the nerves in my neck so hard that my pained grimmest looked like I was smiling back.
By the time we left the doctor’s office, I was feeling dizzy. Leaning against Rita, we walked over to the discharge nurse who gave us the doctor’s instructions and a prescription for a product called ‘Koli-Kleen.’ The nurse said I was to drink two doses of Koli-kleen the night prior to the colonoscopy. What she didn’t tell us was that using that product was going to be, without doubt, the most gruesome part of the whole procedure.
I didn’t know it then but a week after my colonoscopy I did a google search and found that Koli-Kleen is sold in the United States as a prescription laxative, but it was originally developed during world war two by the Gestapo. The Germans called it Magen-buster and used it to get prisoners to voluntarily run into gas chambers they mislabeled “Latrines.” After the war, the Russians developed the formula into a WMD or Weapon of Mass Defecation. When the cold war ended, the KBG sold the formula to the CIA who used it in Guantanamo as an interrogation aid. It was reported that the CIA had a lot of success getting even the most resistant terrorist to literally spill their guts, but when the UN found it was being used on the prisoners, they banned its use as inhumane and a serious breach of the Geneva Convention.
Considering the nefarious history of this product, it was beyond my comprehension how any Pharmaceutical Company could get it approved by the FDA for sale to the American public. But then I saw the outrages price on the insurance company’s invoice and my question was answered.
I was totally ignorant of all that before the colonoscopy so I spent the week prior to the procedure nervously worrying about the ‘big fat hose’ and never gave a second thought to the hellish experience that awaited me on the night before.
When the time came for me to get ready, I read the instructions. Step one said that 12 hours prior to the colonoscopy I shouldn’t take any solid foods by mouth. That kind of confused me since taking solid foods by mouth was the only way I knew how to do that. Anyway, by supper time I was pretty hungry so the wife suggested I try some chicken broth. I love chicken soup but chicken broth was a big disappointment. It is nothing more than hot salty water with a little food coloring. The only chicken you’ll find in chicken broth is the word “chicken” printed on the box.
But I digress… the second step was to try and drink the first dose of Koli-Kleen. I say try because the stuff tastes like industrial grade toilet cleaner. The pharmacist recommended the lemon flavored product but I can tell you right now that the lemon flavoring in that noxious concoction does absolutely nothing to mask its totally disgusting taste. In fact, to this day I still can’t look at a lemon without getting the dry heaves.
The instructions warned that After drinking the first dose I might experience some gastric discomfort followed by a loose bowel movement. That was a gross understatement. What the instructions should have said was that after taking Koli-Kleen, my guts would heave, toss and turn like a small boat caught in a typhoon and that shortly thereafter, everything in my stomach would simultaneously attempt to abandon ship through the stern of my little brown boat.
Holy Crap, that stuff works fast. It may not be written on the box but I believe that one of Koli-Kleen’s chief ingredients is rocket fuel. I say that because when that stuff kicks in, your colon ignites and the full content of your alimentary canal is explosively jettisoned out of your ass with such force that, unless you hold on to the toilet seat, it’s possible that your body could be propelled into low earth orbit.
Needless to say, I spent the whole night sitting on the toilet and nervously waiting for the many intestinal eruptions that followed. Whenever I felt my gut begin to rumble I shut my eyes, held on to the toilet seat and did a short count-down as my rocket powered ass violently sprayed whatever was in my guts into the crapper.
This went on for hours until my intestines were totally empty and I had nothing more to give. By then it was time to drink the second round of Koli-Kleen, and to my absolute amazement, the process started all over again. I couldn’t believe it possible that there was anything left in me to expel, but apparently I was wrong.
My only explanation for this extraordinary phenomenon is that the second dose of Koli-Kleen must have the ability to tap into the spiritual realm, locate my long dead ancestors and channel the festering content of their ancient intestines through my flaming ass-hole and into the commode.
And that leads us to a subject that isn’t covered by the Koli-Kleen instructions. I’m talking about the smell. Oh my god the smell is incredible.
Let’s face it, you can’t flush out the rotting content of someone’s intestine without creating some serious atmospheric pollution. You’re probably going to think I’m exaggerating but things got so bad at my house, that I actually saw lines of staggering insects abandoning the residence. I also witness our house plants literally wither and die right before my eyes. Even the plastic plants keeled over. Rita could attested to all this but she barricaded herself in the guestroom, stuffed towels into the crack under the door, and refused to come out until it was time to go to the clinic.
Needless to say, by the end of the evening I was exhausted. All that running back and forth to the bathroom left my legs feeling like the rubbery limbs of a punch drunk boxer, and my asshole like the business end of a blow torch. That night, after pushing several ice cubes up my raw pucker, I finally passed out and slept like a very tired and dehydrated baby.
The next morning my wife got me up at what is known in military time as “oh five hundred hours.” The “oh” stands for; “Oh my God, I can’t believe it’s still dark.” Anyway, when we arrived at the clinic we thought, since they wanted us there at the crack of dawn, that they intended to begin the procedure right away. We were wrong. Instead they had us filling out forms for hours. The frustrating part is that they had me answering questions I’ve already answered hundreds of times before. What the hell do they do with all that information? Obviously they don’t keep it or they wouldn’t need to ask the same dam questions over and over again.
When I was finished with the questioner the nurse brought in the consent form and asked me to sign. After looking it over I told her that I couldn’t possible sign it. She asked me why and I told her that just over the signature line there was a statement that said that I understood and agreed to all the terms, conditions and provisions stated therein. The document was twelve pages long and written in a Pig-Latin dialect of legalize that was so convoluted and incomprehensible that even my lawyer’s lawyer couldn’t have understood it.
The nurse looked at me and smiled. Then she told me I could take all the time I needed to read the consent forms and I didn’t have to sign them until I fully understood what I was signing. However, she quickly added that if I didn’t have the form signed within the next five minutes she would have to reschedule my procedure.
That’s all she had to say. It took me about five seconds to sign the release and hand it to her. There was no way I was going to reschedule the colonoscopy knowing full well that I would have to go through the same gut-draining pre-procedure I went through the night before. I think the clinic counts on that reaction and that’s why they ask you to sign the consent form after you’ve had the Koli-Kleen experience.
A half hour after I finished the paper work, a very fruity looking male nurse named Hector, came for me. He gave my wife a wink, put his hand on my shoulder and walked around me without taking his hand off my body. Then he asked her a question in a very swishy Spanish accent. “Is this jew hombre?” My wife nodded while trying to contain a very smug smile. Hector returned her smile and said, “Ay que Lindo.” And they both began to giggle as Hector put his hand through my arm and walked me down the clinic’s main corridor. “Don jew warry lindo,” he said as he snuggled up to me. “I will take berry good car of jew.”
Looking over my shoulder I made eye contact with my wife and with a sorrowful and plaintiff gaze I pleaded for her help, but Rita just smiled. It seemed to me that she was enjoying my predicament because all she did was hold up a box of Kolie-Kleen and gave me a looked that seemed to said… ‘are you sure you want to reschedule the procedure?
It was a long and uncomfortable walk to the prep-room, and when we got there Hector released my arm and handed me a plastic bag. He instructed me to go into a little room that had a curtain instead of a door. He asked me to take off all my clothes and put them in the bag. Then he handed me one of those hospital gowns. You know… the kind that is designed to strip you of all your dignity and make you feel more exposed and venerable then you’ve ever felt before.
After putting on the gown I noticed that my ass was hanging out of the back. Try as I might, I couldn’t stretch the cloth to cover my exposed behind. That’s when I saw Hector peeking through the curtains. The pervert was staring at my ass but when he saw me looking at him he smiled and asked if I was ready. Then he pushed a wheel chair into the room and with a big grin he patted the bench and told me to put my cute little tushie into the seat.
There was no way I was going to turn my bare bottom towards that flaming fruitcake so I just stood there looking at him. That’s when Hector decided to come around from behind the chair to help me get into the seat. It was more likely that he wanted to help himself into my seat, so as he approached, I clutched the back of my hospital gown and slowly backed away. Hector kept advancing and I kept retreating so we went around and around that wheelchair until I finally saw an opportunity to safely sit down.
The fruity nurse laughed, his very girly laugh, and called me a crazy gringo as he pushed my wheelchair into another room. There he tied a rubber tourniquet around my arm and tried to put an I.V. needle into the back of my hand. It only took him five tries, and while I would have normally fainted after the second attempt, there was no way I was going to allow myself to pass out while I was alone in the room with him. This was especially true after he started talking about the procedure. With a faraway and dreamy look in his eyes, he described the length and girth of the hose the doctor would be using… and then he said, “El doc-tor wheel e’put it in jew ass nice and e’slow. He wheel go in deeper and deeper. Ay bandito, It’z so beautiful I juice want to e’cry every time I thing about it.”
If I had any doubt about Hector’s sexual orientation, after listening to him describe the procedure, all my doubts were gone. Hector was what I called a real Granola Bar; flaky, fruity and nuts.
“listen up, Hector.” I said with my most manly voice. “There is no way that I am going to have sex with you.”
“What?” Hector said with a genuine look of surprise. Giving me a very stern look and with a very indignant voice he continued. “Is dat what jew ting? Will jew are so rung. Having sex wit jew is da last ting on my mine. DA LAST TING! No senor. First jew will half to ax me to dinner, and den to a show and den after dat….”
“Read my lips Hector… No Way!!!”
Hector looked disappointed so he changed the subject and asked me if I had taken the Koli-Kleen as proscribed. My revolted expression and the cold shiver that ran up and down my spine leaving my puckered face quivering with a look of pure disgust, told him all he needed to know.
“O’ I si, no juan e’toll jew?” The blank expression on my face let him know I had no idea what the hell he was talking about, so he went on. “Jew can e’take un poco de Tequila before jew drink that sheet. Dat e’helps it e’go down mucho more ezy.”
As soon as I figured out what he was trying to say, a light bulb went on over my head. What a great idea. I had a fully stocked bar at home and would have gladly downed a bottle of good Iris whisky if I had known it was okay to drink before taking that Koli-Krap. But then I started to imagine myself drunk and stumbling around the house, squirting and dripping all over the rug and the furniture. There was no way Rita would have cleaned up after me, and knowing her, she probably would have had no alternative but to shot me, torch the house for the insurance money and move down to Florida.
As Hector wheeled me into the procedure room I looked around nervously and saw the doctor and anesthesiologist standing there, but no sign of the dreaded “Big fat hose.” No doubt they planed on bringing it in after I was asleep. That sounded like such a waste of Anastasia. Not because I was so brave that I didn’t need it, but because all they would have had to do was to show me that “big fat hose” and I would have passed out on my own.
Before putting me under, the doctor had me roll over on my side, pull up my knees and count backward from a hundred. As I started to count I heard someone, standing behind me and singing with a swishy Spanish accent. To my great horror I realized it was Hector. He was standing behind me while he sang ”I fee pretty” from ‘West Side Story.’ Oh my god, that raving queen was going to be in the room while I was laying there unconscious and my naked butt exposed.
With my last once of strength I looked up at the doctor and with pleading eyes begged him. “Please shot me now before I pass out from the anesthesia,” but no such luck. The room went dark and the next thing I knew I was waking up in the recovery room, still feeling high from the drugs they gave me.
The first thing I saw was my doctor’s smiling face. He looked down at me and asked how I felt. I told him I felt great except for a little discomfort around that place where the sun never shines. That reminded me of my last thoughts before going under so I reached up, grasped my doctor by the collar and pulling his face down close to mine. In an almost threatening tone I asked him, “Did you leave me alone with Hector at any time during the procedure?” The doctor looked puzzled but he assured me that he hadn’t. When I let him go the doctor said he had good news. My colon was fine and there was no evidence of any malignancy.
“Thanks doc,” I said. Then I asked him to do me a favor. “Please tell my wife…”
“I’ve already given her the good news.” The doctor interrupted.
“No, not that.” I said, as I grabbed him by the collar and pulled him down close to my face again. “I want you to let her know that you’ve performed a very thorough inspection of my entire intestinal track and looked into every nook and cranny of my colon… Got that?” The doctor nodded that he did. “Okay, then I want you to tell her that you’ve found absolutely no evidence that I’ve ever had my head up my ass.”
THE END
If you liked this story please give it a positive rating and leave a comment. Thanks…. Hardrive.

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