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Sex Joke

Whats that?_(0)

One dark stormy night a boy walked into his parents room, scared.
“Mummy! Daddy! Its scary in my room!” He screamed
” Its ok hun, come into bed with us” His parents said back to him.
The boy smiled and jump into his parents bed, after a while he woke up again by the lightning and found something.
” MUMMY! Whats THAT?!” He Screamed again. Mummies eyes widened.
“Thats Daddys sn-snake” she said.
Again the storm woke up the boy and he found something.
” Daddy.. Daddy what are those?” he asked more calmer this time.
” Urr..Urrmmm Those are.. Mummy head-lights ” He answered
Again the storm woke up the boy and he found something.
“Mummy Daddy! Whats THAT!?” He screamed.
” Thats her B-Bush” They both answered
Again the storm woke up the boy and he found Mummy and Daddy doing something.
” MUMMY TURN ON YOUR HEAD LIGHTS! THE SNAKE IS ENTERING THE BUSH!” He scream

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Sex Joke

Sheep in a Fence

An American, an Englishman and a NewZealander were waling down the road one day, when they saw a sheep that had tried to jump a fence. The poor beast was hung up with it’s rump in the air and the back legs splayed and tangled in the wire.
The American looked up and said “oh Gods I wish that was Jaylo
The Englishman looked up and said “Lords I wish that was twiggy
And the New Zealander looked up and said “God I wish it were dark.

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True Story

Massaging Sister and Mother – Part 2

If you read “Massaging Sister and Mother – Part 1” you will know about the loving and exciting experience I had with my sister Meg, when massage led us into a very pleasurable and intense sex life. One day, however, I had the most surprising and unexpected experience:
My sister and I usually had our hot sessions on Mondays and Fridays around 4PM, as I came from school a bit earlier and at that time she arrived from her part-time work, after her morning college body therapy classes. My mom and dad worked until 8PM. One Monday, I knew my sister would have to work until later, so I was surprised when I heard the door slam at 4PM: it was Mom. “What happened, Mom?” I asked, and she said she was not feeling well, too tired and got a body ache, so she took a few hours off. She went to the kitchen to fix some tea, and from there she yelled: “Sweetie, Meg tells me you do her a great massage, can you give me a hand? I certainly need it.” I was somehow confused, very curious, but of course I could not say no.
I set the massage table in Mom’s room, more spacious than ours, spread out the towel and she came in dressed in a robe and with a towel in her hand. She turned back, undressed, lay down and covered her ass with the towel. I was ashamed to try to peek. I started my routine: head, neck, shoulders, and back until the towel line at the lumbar. When I did her back I could take a good view of the side of her boobs, much bigger than my Sis’ and compressed against the table. I decided to probe a bit and massaged the lateral of her body, coming very closely and sometimes even touching lightly her lovely and soft breasts. She did or said nothing. My Mom’s body is quite different from Meg’s: she is shorter, a bit chubby but not fat, much bigger boobs, but anyway very pleasant to the touch and to the sight.
Then I moved down starting at the feet and moving up to the calves and thighs. When I reached there, her legs were already partially apart, and she opened them even more when I did her inner thighs. She started to moan, softly first, than more loudly when I approached her covered area. With her legs open, I could see from under the towel the dark area of her pussy and the fold of the buttocks. I moved closer, but did not have the courage to touch her there. I decided to probe first: “Ma, if you want me to touch you up here we will have to move up the towel a bit.” “No worries, Sweetie, Meg told me you do a great job and it’s even better than I had thought. Go ahead and do your best!” Having said that, she took the towel and tossed it away, lying face down totally naked, her round ass exposed and giving me a good idea of her pussy area. I moved up slowly, my fingers coming close to her pussy lips, and when she moaned louder and raised her hips I had no doubt about what she wanted. I started to touch her pussy, opening her big lips, until I slid my whole palm between her legs, against her hairy pussy. I moved my hand back and forth, from her ass cheeks to her clit, sliding one or two fingers inside her vagina when I made my movements. She was out of control, moaning, shaking, raising her hip, pressing her pussy against my hand, and I am pretty sure she orgasmed at least twice in a few minutes. When I felt she relaxed a bit, I asked if she wanted to turn over. She said yes, but instead of turning on the table she stood up, saying that the table was too hard, and that she preferred to finish in her bed. There she was, I now had the chance to see her totally naked, her enormous boobs and bushy pussy, a tempting smile and a naughty look in her flushed face.
She lay down on her bed, legs wide open, and said “Come to Mommy, Sweetheart!” She was not a model, but definitely she got a sexy, voluptuous body! I lost no time and started caressing and sucking those lovely breasts, while she tried to release my hard cock. I helped her in removing my shorts and my hard dicked jumped out. She took it, held it firmly and said: “Jack, dear, it’s so big, I need it so badly, come to me.” I positioned myself between her legs, put my cock between her bushy lips, and started do push in. She raised her legs over my shoulder and in no time – she was so wet – I was totally inside her, my balls slamming her crotch. I pumped fiercely, seeing her closed eyes, open mouth and her melons shaking violently up and down, and soon I exploded inside her. She did the same, trembling and screaming. I gently lay my body over hers, held her and we turned side wards, where we stayed hugged, catching a breath.
She was the first to speak, saying she was sorry to have set me up with my sister: she told me that my father had lot interest on her, and she was very sad, frustrated, and sexually in need. She had eventually unburdened her heart to Sis, who took pity on her and told her about our adventures, and that I should be able to relieve her. “I thought it would be some touching here and there, though, I had no idea it would be so fulfilling, if you know what I mean” and looked me naughtily again. I smiled and said that it was no sacrifice at all, and hugged her tight, squeezing her boobs against my chest and my semi-hard dick against her pelvis.
“Darling” – she said – “let’s shower together as we did when you were a little boy?” Of course I said yes, and we walked to the bathroom. The warm water was nice, and she started wash me with a sponge, while I did the same to her with my bare hands: her boobs, pussy, inside her ass cheeks, everything. Of course, when I did that and she washed my cock I started getting hard again. She smiled and said “Well, well, my little boy is still hungry, aren’t you?” and having said that, she carefully washed all the soap out, turned off the shower, went down on her knees and started giving me the best blow job ever. She licked, swallowed half the cock, sucked the head hard, while she played with my balls and along my shaft with her plump soft hands, with rhythmic movements. When she felt I was totally hard, big, and it seems she was also horny enough, she raised, turned around, and said “Mommy is hungry too! I need some more meat” I started to position myself, but she said: “No Sweetie, now I want in the back.” She bent over a bit with two hands on the wall, raised her hips, and offered me that big hot ass. I was so horny not only with the situation, but also by hearing mom – always so conservative and shy – say all these provocative and blunt words. I opened her cheeks, aimed my cock right at her asshole, and started to press gently. My Sis had told me to always start very gently. It was difficult, we had washed out all our natural lubrication, but she tried to accommodate her asshole around my cockhead and asked me to play with her pussy to help. I did so, and soon she relaxed enough and I had produced enough fluids to squeeze my whole dick in. I kept playing with her bush and pussy lips with one hand and with one big boob with another, and started to pump faster. It was incredible: she was relaxed enough to easily accommodate my thick dick inside her ass, yet it was so tight and warm! My mom started again to moan, to move her body with me, and she was certainly having a good time. In a couple minutes she accelerated her movements and sounds, I did the same, plunged two fingers inside her, and squeezed her boob. It was taking a bit too long, as we had come no more than 10 minutes earlier, and she came for the kill: she yelled “Jack, my boy, fuck Mommy’s ass with that beautiful big cock, don’t stop, go deeper, give it to me, put another finger inside my pussy, yes, that way, squeeze mommy’s big tits, yes, fuck me hard, fuck mommy’s ass, harder, deeper, deeper, yeeeahhh…” and she started to cum, screaming, and I followed her instantly. I could not believe I had just climaxed in my mom’s asshole!
She washed her up quickly, kissed softly my mouth and said she had to start preparing dinner, but I should take my time. Before leaving the shower, she hugged me and said: “Sweetie, thank you so, so much. I needed that a lot! If it’s OK with you, we can set a massage appointment every Wednesdays at 4. I will tell my boss I will have to start early and leave early.” I only opened a big smile and said “Of course, Mommy!” But she continued: “I am happy you agreed. Of course, I can’t pay you, but I will let you fuck Mommy in her pussy and in her asshole, if it’s not too much sacrifice for you.”
She left still naked, walking sensually, with a smile in her face, and I stayed there as if waking up from a wonderful dream: a couple months ago I was a virgin teen spending my afternoons surfing the web for porn, occasionally peaking at my semi-nude sister, and jerking off like crazy. Now I had regular massage and sex with Sis, and I had just included Mom’s lovely body, pussy and ass in my busy weekly schedule!
PS – You, early cummers who criticized Part 1 because there was no Mother and obviously no Parit 2 yet, can apologise now. I hope you enjoy!

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Fantasm

Breaking In Ch. 1

All Lucida wanted to do was save her convent. But she’ll come to realize, there will be no one coming to save her

True Story

RANDOM CALL

Random Call
By Straight Man
A BRIEF DESCRIPTION OF STORY
Straight single man – relaxing home alone one day when his phone rings at his apartment. He answers the phone and the caller simply says, “I want to suck your dick”. It was a random call from a gay man who he never met or knew. The caller stated he lived around the corner and had just called at random from the phone book. This unexpected statement arouses the straight man to imagine the possibilities…
My name is Shawn Tyler. This is a True Story that occurred 11 years ago when I was twenty four year old. I am a straight man who was employed full-time as a Computer Programmer. I attend college during the evenings – working towards my B.S. Degree in Information Systems. I recently broke up with a women (three months ago) who I had been dating for 18 months. I have a healthy sexual appetite and my ex satisfied all my needs in the bedroom as I did hers. It was an amicable breakup. Our personalities just clashed. I had missed her the last three months (primarily in the bedroom), but realized it was for the best in the long run.
One Saturday afternoon while relaxing at home watching College Football, my phone rings. I answered the phone and the caller simply said, “I want to suck your dick”. It was a random call from a gay man who I never met or knew. The caller stated he lived around the corner and had just called at random getting my number from the phone book. I admit I was shocked and surprised that this unexpected statement had aroused me.
The caller stated he lived on Brown Street, which was one block away. He again asked me if he could suck my dick and wanted me to come over his house so he could take care of me. He asked me would I like that. I imagined the possibilities. He asked me how big my cock was. I never had discussed anything like that with a man before. I admit it excited me. I told him that it was 8 inches long. I then told him that I was straight. He said that I would not have talked this long on the phone if I was not interested. I must admit he was correct.
I had not had my dick sucked in over three months. My erection won out. I told the caller that I would come on one condition – he needed not only to suck my dick, but also was required to lick my balls and ass “real good” like my previous women had for me. The caller quickly stated that he would love to handle those duties for me. I got his address and told the caller I would be there in 30 minutes. I took a quick shower and sprayed cologne on my legs and on my groin. I like to feel refreshed and smell good when I know I am going to be orally serviced.
I arrived at the house and the stranger let me in. I did not even ask him his name. He offered my something to eat and drink. I was paranoid about drinking or eating anything there in fear of being drugged. I had heard how men had been “turned out” after being “unexpectedly” drugged by gay men who then took advantage of their “prey”.
I politely told the man that I was not hungry nor thirsty, but thanked him for offering. I then decided to take control. I asked him was he ready to take care of me. He said yes and took me upstairs to his bedroom. I sat on the edge of his bed. I told him to take off my shoes, and then I unfastened my pants and told him to pull them off for me. The man eagerly complied. I took of my shirt and tee shirt. He asked if he could strip down to his underwear. I felt kind of uncomfortable, but informed him that it was okay.
I then moved in the middle of his bed and told him to come over to me. I told him to kiss my thighs and rub them gently. I then put my hands on his head and guided him to my dick. He licked my shaft all over. Soon, I told him to lick my balls. He seemed to be in a trance and did everything I asked – enthusiastically. As I lay on my back watching this man do only what women had done to me previously – I felt a certain powerful feeling I had never experienced previously.
Finally, I told him to lick my ass real good for me. He proceeded to lick and eat my ass as if I was the best Sunday meal he had ever had. He licked from my ass to my balls, up and down, over and over. I put my ass all up in his face and rode him like a horse. I was being satisfied to the fullest.
I felt strange because normally only women had ever pleased me sexually and I always enjoyed pleasing them in return. I knew that under no circumstances that would happen in this case.
The way this man licked and sucked me to completion (twice), I knew he had got his reward. My guilt was removed. I left his home an hour after I had arrived. I never returned to that home and never heard from that individual again. I tried to block the entire episode out of my mind. I had to. What had occurred only had to be done by a woman for me in the future. A random phone call had turned into an unexpected and unforgettable sexual adventure. One that would never or could never be duplicated.
THE END

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